1997 News Archive

January, February, March

To Current News & Information

To Other News Archives

News & Information Archive Index

March 1997 News Archive Index

Current News

3/15/97- The 1997 Cosmic Season Begins

3/12/97- Kerouac 75th Anniversary

3/10/97- Personal Cosmic Games

3/9/97- Casey at the Bat

3/5/97- Zappas Replace Arbusians

3/2/97- 1997 Pre-Season

3/1/97- Washington Presidents

3/1/97- February Data

February 1997 News Archive Index

2/25/97- Exhibition Games

2/23/97- New Cosmic Team- Riderland Tarotians

2/1/97- The Cosmic Leagues

2/1/97- January Data

January 1997 News Archive Index

1/31/97- Eden Bohemians: 1997 Roster

1/30/97- Heartland Capitalists: 1997 Roster

1/29/97- Bhutan Vanguards: 1997 Roster

1/27/97- Delta Dragons: 1997 Roster

1/8/97- Gingrich to Squad of Umpires

1/7/97- Wonderland Warrior Rookies

1/5/97- Martian Kinotypes: New Team

1/2/97- Jack Kerouac Plate

1/1/97- Happy New Year

1/1/97- December Site Data

News Archives

March 15


24 teams in three leagues compete this season.

The season opener matches the Washington Presidents and the Paradise Pisces.

Cosmic Game reports will be posted for selected games during the season. Team and player statistics will be posted periodically and current standings will be available online. Click Here for a review of the 1997 team rosters.

Enjoy the season.

To the Season Opener

Return to Index

March 12

Antibeats vs Dharma Beats

In recognition of the 75th anniversary of Jack Kerouac's birth the Cosmic Baseball Association has published online a cosmic game report honoring the memory of "Memory Babe". The 1997 Dharma Beats played the American Antibeats in a game that was most memorable especially for the heroics of Jack's daughter, Jan Kerouac. The Antibeats represent critics of Kerouac and the Beat Generation. Norman Podhoretz is the Antibeats starting pitcher. See the Official Game Report.

To the 1997 Dharma Beats Official Team Roster

Return to Index

March 10


CBA announces the introduction of Personal Cosmic Games. The Personal Cosmic Game is a new feature that allows members and friends to play a cosmic baseball game against one of the existing cosmic baseball teams.

Personal Cosmic Game Reports, complete with linescores, box scores, scoresheets, etc. will be published on the internet after the games are played. Teams can consist of any players participants desire, including family members, friends, athletes, historical personalities or fictional characters. You can even play a Personal Cosmic Game as a gift and CBA will send a gift email with the URL address of the Game Report to the gift recipient.

CBA Members who have elected to pay the optional membership dues automatically receive a free cosmic game upon request. Non-members can play a Personal Cosmic Game for $5.

For more information about CBA's Personal Cosmic Game feature visit the Personal Cosmic Games Plate. An example of a Personal Cosmic Game Report has also been published online.

To the Personal Cosmic Games Plate

Return to Index

March 9

CASEY AT THE BAT- Special Plate

Ernest Thayer's enduring baseball poem, Casey at the Bat was first published in 1888 in a newspaper. Popularized by the singer/comedian William De Wolf Hopper, the ballad of Casey's fateful and luckless trip to the plate is known by all Americans. Casey is as deeply a part of the American legendary landscape as Paul Bunyan.

This special CBA plate honors the myth of Casey and includes the original poem and several sequels and parodies. Additional information about the mythology that's been built around the poem is also provided.

Be sure to check out CBA member Herm Card's "Casey at the Pen" contribution. Herm is CBA's director of umpires.

CBA invites all members and friends to contribute their examples of Casey poems for inclusion on the Casey plate. Email contributions can be sent to editor@cosmicbaseball.com.

To the Special Casey at the Bat Plate

Return to Index

March 5


The Dianeland Arbusians, an inital new entry in CBA's Under League have withdrawn from competition after a disappointing pre-season. Replacing the Arbusians is a new cosmic team honoring the work of the American musician Frank Zappa (1940-1993).

The Franklinton Zappas consist of Zappa's first 25 albums, released between 1966 and 1979. The roster begins with the classic Freak Out album and ends with Sleep Dirt. The team represents a little less than half of Zappa's lifetime album output of over 50 albums.

To the 1997 Franklinton Zappas Official Team Roster

Return to Index

March 2


The final 1997 pre-season standings have been posted on line. Selected pre-season games and detailed pre-season statistics for the Pisces and the Ionians are also now available online.

The 16th regular Cosmic Season begins MARCH 15.

To the 1997 Season Plate

Return to Index

March 1


Last season's Over League champions are looking to get back to the Cosmic Universal Series. Their seventh game loss to the upstart Busriders doesn't sit well with inside-the-beltway types. No major changes in the roster and, of course, no rookies made the team since Bob Dole and others failed in their bid to defeat the incumbent Bill Clinton.

The main 1997 Washington Presidents Roster plate has been completely redesigned as have the individual player plates. The player plates include additional biographical data including birth and death dates, term in office, religion, education, occupation, party affiliation, popular vote totals, vice presidents and spouses. Player plates will be published online as they are completed. The following player plates are currently available: Franklin Roosevelt, Pierce, Harding, Nixon and Reagan.

To the 1997 Presidents Roster

Return to Index

March 1


Return to Index

February 25

Exhibition Games

The season starts in less than a month on March 15. The pre-season games suggest that the Ionians are the team to catch in the Overleague. No clear frontrunner can be identified in either the Middleleague or the Underleague but the Bohemians and the Songbirds look like strong contenders.

Remember folks, effective this season CBA does not use the designated-hitter in its games.

Details from three selected exhibition games have been published online:

To the 1997 Games Plate

Return to Index

February 23

New Cosmic Team- Riderland Tarotians

The Riderland Tarotians are CBA's newest team and the players represent the 22 trump cards of the standard Tarot deck. Sometimes referred to as the "major arcana" the symbolism and meanings of these cards have fascinated metaphysicians for centuries.

The origin of Tarot is obscured but the cards most probably made their first appearance in Europe during the 14th century. Initially just a card game, perhaps disguising a deeper meaning, it wasn't until the 18th and 19th centuries that mystics like Eliphas Levi thought the Tarot could be used as as key to cosmic wisdom and divination. Emphasizing the Tarot's connection to Jewish mysticism, Levi decided the 22 trump cards were related to the 22 letters of the Jewish alphabet.

In 1910, A.E. Waite published a book on the Tarot that attempted to provide clues to their history and interpretation. He also supervised the design of the popular Rider Tarot pack. It is from Waite's Rider deck that CBA has adapted the player images on the Official Team Roster.

The Riderland Tarotians will compete in CBA's Underleague during the 1997 Season.

To the 1997 Tarotian Roster

Return to Index

February 1

The Cosmic Playing Leagues

For the 1997 Season, CBA has divided the playing teams into three leagues: Over, Middle and Under. The six teams in the Overleague are CBA's flagship teams. Overleague teams represent the best all around teams at the CBA. Teams in the Middle League represent teams either on their way up or on their way down. The cosmic Underleague is where new teams start out and faltering teams end up before deactivation.

Movement between the leagues occurs slowly. This year the winner of last season's 1996 Cosmic Universal Series, the Pranktown Busriders, effectively moved up a league: they will play in the cosmic Middle League. Two reactivated Middle League teams, The Delta Dragons (Musicians) and the Bhutan Vanguards (Artists) will be sent to the Underleague if they don't post winning seasons. If a Middle League spot opens up, it is likely the Vienna Songbirds, if they post a winning season, will move up next year.

Official team rosters for the 1997 teams are currently being published online. To see which rosters are currently available visit the Rosters plate.

Return to Index

February 1


Return to Index

January 31

1997 BOHEMIANS- Roster Published

CBA's writers team, the Eden Bohemians, has made some radical changes. New ownership, new manager, new coaches, and sixteen rookies on the field make the 1997 Bohemians a virtually new team.

There are several veterans on the team. J. D. Salinger, the ever-popular Bohemian shortstop will be back. Fans are also looking forward to the new publication of an old story Salinger wrote years ago. Look for Salinger to do a bit of grandstanding and hotdogging as he tries to generate attention.

Simone de Beauvoir, a former Bohemian player, bought the team from Harriet Beecher Stowe. de Beauvoir quickly looked to old teammates to fill out the managing and coaching spots. Two of the three coaches are former Bohemian players, and the third, Dostoyevsky, is a Bohemian at heart.

Link to 1997 Eden Bohemians Roster

Return to Index

January 30

1997 CAPITALISTS- Roster Published

CBA's team of captains-of-industry, the Heartland Capitalists, continues its trend to draft and field economists. Of the six rookies on this year's team, three are hardcore intellectual economists.

One of the rookies is John Maynard Keynes who will be the Capitalists' new thirdbaseman. Keynes is most well-known for his 1936 book The General Theory of Employment Interest and Money. This is the book that solves national economic problems by increasing government borrowing and spending, more or less. John Kenneth Galbraith writes:

As the ideas of socialism did not come from the masses, those that saved capitalism did not come from businessmen, bankers or owners of shares whose value had gone with the wind. They came principally from John Maynard Keynes. His fate was to be regarded as peculiarly dangerous by the class he rescued.

So the economists and intellectuals continue to influence the team's complexion. Manager Karl Marx, with the full support of Michael Jordan, the team's owner, believes this is the right direction. It has been 13 years since the captains of Capitalism have won the Cosmic Universal Series. Maybe this is their lucky year.

Bottom line: who knows?

Link to 1997 Heartland Capitalists Roster

Return to Index

January 29

1997 BHUTAN VANGUARDS- Roster Published

The Vanguards return to cosmic baseball after a two-year suspension. CBA's team of artists will compete in the Cosmic Middle League.

With a new ownership and management team in place, this traditionally lackluster team hopes to improve its performance. Salvadore Dali is the new field manager. He and new general manager, Claude Monet, have rounded up 12 rookies including an eight year old pitcher from Japan, Hitome Yoshida. Dali has also assembled an entirely new coaching staff consisting of the well-known art critics and historians, Clement Greenberg, Thomas B. Hess and Harold Rosenberg.

Several older Vanguard players have been reactivated, including the popular Pablo Picasso. Dali seems to have mixed the old with the new, but there is a definite youth movement feel to the team. Most of the personnel are either 19th or 20th century artists, specifically painters. A few old masters are back. Albrecht Durer and Sir Anthony van Dyck are in the bullpen; Rembrandt is stationed in centerfield.

Whether or not the Bhutanese will trek back to Depth Field remains an open question. If the artists play with the same intensity that they bring to their painting exploits, then the chances for a successful season on the field and at the gate go up dramatically.

Link to 1997 Bhutan Vanguards Roster

Return to Index

January 27

1997 DELTA DRAGONS-Roster Published

Last season the Dragons were given a one year suspension because of habitual performance problems.

During the suspension the team was sold to the muse Euterpe and she went out and signed some pretty good prospects. The piano improvisationist Chick Corea, jazz saxophonist supreme Charlie "Bird" Parker and reggae masta Bob Marley join the newly revived Dragons. The Dragons will be playing in the Cosmic Middle League this season.

In 14 seasons the Dragons have never one more than 84 games. Ten of 14 seasons have resulted in more games lost than won. The Dragons have only made it to post-season play once: they lost to the Paradise Pisces in the first Cosmic Universal Series played in 1982.

Usually the team starts out strong but after 20 or 30 games they nosedive for the rest of the season as individual players get sidetracked by other matters: sometimes drugs, sometimes love, sometimes it's hard to say what it is.

Janis Joplin is the field manager and she knows she's in the hot seat. If the Dragons don't pull off a winning season, her tenure is over. Euterpe has let it be known she will not tolerate a casual, happy-go-lucky attitude. "Work Hard, Win Hard" is the motto the Muse has stenciled on each player's locker.

We will see.

Link to 1997 Delta Dragons Roster

Return to Index

January 8


The Washington Presidents announced today the release of Newt Gingrich (R-Georgia)as the team's Assistant General Manager. Shortly after the announcement it was revealed that Gingrich will join the CBA's Squad of Umpires. Gingrich will start umpiring cosmic games beginning with the 1997 Season on March 15.

It is not uncommon for individuals who have had ethical problems to end up as CBA umpires. The logic of these appointments has to do with giving individuals a chance to atone and redeem themselves by being put into situations which require keen judgement and fair-mindedness. Baseball umpiring is a perfect milieu for that type of experience.

Gingrich has had his share of experience in the political ethics arena. He was chiefly responsible for putting into motion the gears that eventually ground Speaker Jim Wright (D-Texas) out of the United States House of Representatives several years ago. Taking what appeared to be very high-falutin' positions on morality he advocated censuring Massachusetts Representative Barney Frank (D) for having a prostitute on his payroll. On the other side of the coin, Gingrich now finds himself embroiled in his own personal ethical controversey. He has admitted to the use of inappropriate campaign financing tactics.

We have no doubt but that Newt Gingrich will be a stellar contributor to the Squad of Umpires at the Cosmic Baseball Association.

Return to Index

January 7


The 1997 Wonderland Warriors have drafted close to a dozen rookies in a bold attempt to win the Overleague pennant. A massive reorganization from the top to the bottom has included the hiring of a new field manager.

American Army General Norman Schwarzkopf, will assume the reins of a team that once was competitive but has, in recent years, become quite ineffective.

Two of the rookies include Admiral Jeremy "Mike" Boorda the only enlisted man to become Chief of Naval Operations, who shot himself to death last year and convicted Army paratrooper William Kreutzer who launched a sniper attack on his fellow soldiers at Fort Bragg in 1995. Both Boorda and Kreutzer have been added to the pitching staff which is where vast improvements must be made if the Warriors plan on winning anything. To that end, General Schwarzkopf has hired a new pitching coach: famed Hun King Attila.

Link to the 1997 Wonderland Warriors Roster

Return to Index

January 5


The Martian Kinotypes are a new CBA team consisting of movies about Mars. The Kinotypes will play in CBA's Underleague during the 1997 Season. Author H.G. Wells manages the team and the astronomer Percival Lowell is the owner. In fact much of the management of the team is derived from the deactivated Barsoomtown Explorers who played in the old cosmic Outer Space League.

Link to the 1997 Martian Kinotypes Roster

Return to Index

January 2


Jack Kerouac, famed author of On The Road is the leftfielder for the Dharma Beats. Kerouac, born in Lowell, Massachusetts in 1922 represents one of America's purest and truest writers. The so-called "father of the Beat Generation" invented the spontaneous bop prose method which he utilized to compose some of his most complex works such as Visions of Cody and Doctor Sax. A teenage athlete who attended Columbia on a football scholarship, Kerouac was also accomplished in track and baseball. As a youngster he coached and played on the Dracut Tigers baseball team which had mixed success on the field. Kerouac was known as a power hitter who led his team in homeruns and strikeouts. In addition to reality baseball, he created an elaborate imaginary baseball league and he kept detailed records of the games and players.

Link to the 1997 Dharma Beats Roster

Return to Index

January 1


From all of us at CBA to our members and friends we'd like to wish everybody a happy and healthy New Year.

This is CBA's sixteenth year and we are all looking forward to another interesting cosmic season. This year we want to encourage membership interaction. We invite all members to send in their suggestions and comments. Use either our email address editor@cosmicbaseball.com or make use of the online Member/Guest Book.

Once again, from all of us to all of you and yours, Happy New Year.

The cosmic playing season begins March 15. For more information about the upcoming season visit the 1997 Season Plate.

Return to Index

January 1


Return to Index

To Current News & Information

To Other News Archives

CBA News Archive- 1997
URL http://www.cosmicbaseball.com/97q1news.html
Archived: March 31, 1997 Updated: August 1, 1997

© 1997 by the Cosmic Baseball Association
Email: editor@cosmicbaseball.com