December 1997 News Archive

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December 30, 1997
Season 1997 Cosmic Player Awards

CBA announced the winners of the 1997 player awards: Denise Kaufmann, star pitcher for the Cosmic Champion Pranktown Busriders is the Cosmic Pitcher of the Year. Uma Thurman, the attractive catcher for the Vestal Virgins wins the batting title with her .470 batting average. That average puts Thurman in third place on the all-time season batting average list. The homerun king this year is Al Hinckle from the Dharma Beats who knocked 49 balls out of various cosmic parks during the 1997 season.

Click Here to view the winners of Cosmic Player Awards from prior seasons

December 26, 1997
Paradise Pisces- 1998 Official Team Roster

The 1998 edition of CBA's flagship team, the Paradise Pisces, is now available online. The Pisces are CBA's oldest team. The 1998 version includes eight new players and two new coaches. Last season was one of the worst for the Pisces, their won-loss record (73-89) falling below .500 for the first time since the 1993 season.

Pisces' manager, Henry Miller, believes he's shored up the pitching rotation with the addition of Christina Rossetti from the P.R.B. and Nathanael West from the Bohemians; both had remarkable rookie seasons last year. The Pisces' picked up Ludwig Van Beethoven from the Songbirds. Beethoven replaces the popular mountain gorilla, Digit, who retired after three seasons. The addition of Frances Farmer and Caresse Crosby, both from the Vestal Virgins, should add more power to the lineup, which last year compiled a dismal .240 team batting average, lowest of all teams. The team has one brand new cosmic player. Rookie Lynn Behrendt, a poet from New York, will be fighting for the firstbase position. Veteran firstbaseman Allen Ginsberg has let it be known he would like to return to the Dharma Beats next season, so Behrendt has a shot at being the Pisces' everyday firstbasewoman.

There have also been persistent rumors that if the Pisces don't perform well this season and the Beats get back to the Cosmic Universal Series, then there might be a formal "flagship team" status change. That should motivate this team sufficiently.

Click Here for the 1998 Paradise Pisces Official Team Roster

December 22, 1997
Mayakovsky Named to Pisces Coaching Staff

Former Bhutan Vanguard outfielder, Vladimir Vladimirovich Mayakovsky (1893-1930), has been tagged by Paradise Pisces field manager, Henry Miller, to be the new batting coach. Mayakovsky replaces the fictional He-Man heroine Siryn who was terminated after one season.

Mayakovsky was a Russian poet identified with the Bolshevik Revolution. As a poet, painter, stage and screen actor, he uniquely typified the dialectic between the passion of the individual and the demand of the collective social culture in which the creative artist exists. His poetry celebrated the Russian revolution but he would become skeptical of the Soviet political philosophy. Ultimately the conflicts within this very passionate man led to his suicide at the age of 36.

Vladimir Mayakovsky Official Cosmic Record
1984 Vanguards of .293 525 154 12 58
1985 Vanguards lf .253 620 157 14 68
1986 Vanguards lf .254 410 104 5 42
1987 Vanguards lf .263 247 65 5 27
Total 4 Seasons .266 1802 480 36 195

December 15, 1997
Interseason Notes

The Association announced the deactivation of two cosmic teams: the Martian Kinotypes and the Vienna Songbirds, both from the Cosmic Underleague will not be competing during the 1998 Season...The 1998 playing season beings March 15...Remember CBA offers gift memberships to your friends and loved ones, for more information on Gift Memberships contact CBA via email at of all the complaints about the umpiring during the recent Cosmic Universal Series several individuals have suggested CBA re-think its policy on umpire selection. At the moment umpires are selected based on their perceived moral and ethical failures. The thinking is, put individuals who have demonstrated a weak grasp of what's right and wrong in a position where judgment is required and perhaps they will become better people...With the increased interest in team ownership, CBA is considering adding another competitive league. The so-called "Deep" League would function as a rookie/instructional league feeding players and teams to the Underleague.

December 5, 1997
Busriders Win 1997 Cosmic Universal Series

For the second season in a row the Pranktown Busriders have won the Cosmic Universal Series. The Busriders beat the Dharma Beats in a seven-game feast. What's remarkable about this achievement is that the Busriders have only been playing cosmic baseball for two seasons. They still have a way to go before they challenge the Alphatown Ionians for absolute control of Series history (the Ionians have been to the Series 6 times, and have a 5-1 won-loss record). But still, the Busriders seem to be emerging as the team of the 21st century.

The 16th Cosmic Universal Series was mostly dominated by pitching, as is usually the case. There were three games in which one team was shutout (Games 2, 3, 4). Page Browning, the Busriders' leftfielder was named the Series' Most Cosmic Player. Most of the controversy in this series centered on the umpiring which many observers considered substandard. But there was also the occassional lunacy one would expect when beatniks and pranksters get to playing ball.

This was the Beats first trip to the Series and it helps them in their quest to replace the Paradise Pisces as CBA's flagship team. But don't expect that to happen next season. The Beats are going to have to get back to the Series again, and win it all, if they are going to make a run for "flagship" status.

Click Here for the 1997 Cosmic Universal Series Plate

Click Here for the Cosmic Universal Series History Plate

December 1, 1997
Virgins Name Hannah Arendt G.M.

Hannah Arendt was one of the foremost political philosophers of our time. Trained in philosophy, she was controversial, provocative and widely influential. She studied and had a love affair with Martin Heidegger. She was a student of Karl Jaspers. Not surprisingly she was born in Konigsberg, Germany, the city of the great philosopher Immanuel Kant. Arendt authored many books and essays including The Origins of Totalitarianism (1951) a landmark study which takes as its subject matter anti-semitism, imperialism and racism.

Arendt, was a cosmic baseball player for six seasons (see record below). She was an above average secondbasewoman. Now she will function as the Vestal Virgins' new General Manager. She replaces television personality Harriet Nelson, who resigned over the Thanksgiving holiday.

More Arendt Information

Brief Arendt Biography

Arendt Bibliography

Hannah Arendt- Official Cosmic Record
1983 Virgins 2b .269 536 144 12 59
1984 Virgins 2b .271 542 147 13 60
1985 Virgins 2b .246 118 29 2 13
1986 Virgins 2b .320 387 124 9 42
1987 Virgins 2b .204 264 49 6 29
1988 Virgins 2b .231 584 135 14 64
Total 6 Seasons Batting .258 2431 628 56 267

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CBA News & Information Plate- December 1997 Archive
Published: January 1, 1998
Copyright © 1997 & 1998 by the Cosmic Baseball Association