News & Information Archive December, 2000
Archived: December 31, 2000

News Items

Pre-Socratics @ Stars

Annual Report

New Team: Phaetown Cars

New Cosmic Player Plates

Presidents Draft G.W. Bush

New Dragon G.M.

New Team: Framemakers

Supreme Court @ Supreme Courtesans

New Warrior G.M.

News Index
News Archive
December 27
Website Notes

Home Page Version 15 Goes Online

The Cosmic Baseball Association redesigned its homepage and uploaded the new format today. This is the fifteenth design revision since the website went online in 1994. The home page makes use of three frames and a menu which accesses the various sections of the site.

The redesign effort was supervised by the CBA's design editor, Jessie Numata. Numata and her web design staff spent three months on the project. The new format replaces Version 14 which went online November 18, 1999.

Numata won a design award last March from the Society of Website Designers for her work on Version 14 and the New York State Association of Website Operators singled out her design work for the CBA in their annual publication The Spider.

December 24
Cosmic Game Report

Hollywood Stars Beat The Pre-Socratics

Marilyn Monroe pitched the game of her life. But it was Sandra Bullock who won the game's Most Cosmic Player Award for her clutch two-out single that drove home Sean Connery with the winning run in the bottom of the ninth inning. Pundits had predicted that the Pre-Socratics would easily take this game from the flamboyant and pretentious Hollywood Stars but cosmic baseball can be a funny game. Monroe all but completely stilled the bats of the sage thinkers. Perhaps too much thinking at the plate can work against the objective: take a round bat and try to hit a round ball squarely.

December 21
New Cosmic Player Plates

DeCleyre, Dick and Eminem Plates
New Cosmic Player Plates for Season 2001 are being published online. Player plates provide more detailed information about particular individuals on the cosmic teams. Biographical data, cosmic playing records and links to additional information about the player are typical examples of content on the player plate. An index of all available cosmic player plates (organized by season from 1995 on) is available.

Season 2001 player plates will be uploaded during the course of the season. Here are links to what's currently available.

Voltairine de Cleyre was a feminist/anarchist who spent most of her life writing about the plight of the working class and other disenfranchised members of American society. She is a catcher for the Armageddonia Anarchists.
Eminem (Marshall Mathers III) appeared on the national hip-hop rap scene in the late 1990s with two albums that found a direct link to young people. His searing and hostile lyrics (listen to "Kim" for example) were of some concern to the U.S. Senate and the wife of the country's next Vice President. Eminem is a pitcher for the Delta Dragons.
Philip K. Dick wrote disturbing and intense science fiction novels. Several of his stories have been converted into popular Hollywood films, most notably "Total Recall." But the words he put on a page are far more complex than anything the moviemakers could reproduce. He is an infielder for the Eden Bohemians.

December 20
New Report

CBA 2000-2001 Annual Report Available

The 2000-2001 Annual Report of the Cosmic Baseball Association is now available online. Report highlights include website access information for the past year, membership growth data, financial statements and a listing of the CBA's Board of Directors.

December 18
New Cosmic Team

Phaetown Cars
The Phaetown Cars are a new cosmic baseball team consisting of American made automobiles. The team is owned by John DeLorean who was the original designer of the Pontiac GTO and who later launched the unsuccesful DeLeoran Motorcar Company. The Cars will play their home games at Phaetown's DuryeaDome named in honor of the Duryea Brothers who are rightfully distinguished as the "Fathers" of the American automobile industry.

The Cars have been assigned to the Underleague during the 2001 cosmic season.

December 14
New Cosmic Baseball Player

Washington Presidents Draft George W. Bush
After some delay the Washington Presidents announced today that George Walker Bush will be added to the team's Season 2001 roster.

The announcement puts an end to the speculation about who would be the team's newest member. Bush beat out Albert Gore for the roster spot. But there was a controversy. The team had staged a Home Run Derby between Bush and Gore to decide which player to add to the roster. On November 7 Bush was initially declared the derby winner after he had accumulated 320 homeruns to Gore's 319 during the month-long contest. However, almost immediately a report surfaced that Bush used a corked bat during the derby.

The Presidents appointed a three-man panel headed by George H. Bush (George W.'s father and a non-roster member of the team) to investigate the allegation. After inspecting 12 of the bats that the younger Bush used during the contest the commission could find no evidence of cork. Gore supporters claimed that at least three additional bats used by Bush were never inspected. But the commission could not (or would not) locate the missing bats.

The commission did not conclusively decide how many bats were actually used by Bush. However, in the final report issued today, the panel members wrote, "Of the bats inspected and analyzed no evidence of a foreign substance could be detected."

With the release of the commission's report team owner George Washington announced that George W. Bush will be added to the roster. The rookie Bush will play in the outfield.

December 10
New General Manager

Delta Dragons Name Afrika Bambaataa New General Manager
This off-season is becoming distinguished more for changes in the offices of team general managers than anything else. Ten days ago the Wonderland Warriors named a new general manager and now the Delta Dragons, the Cosmic Baseball Association's team of musicians have named Afrika Bambaataa as their new GM.

Bambaataa is well known as one of the fathers of hip hop. Born as Kevin Donovan in 1960 in New York City Bambaataa (the name honors a Zulu chieftain) he DJ'd his first hip hop party in 1976 at the Bronx River Community Center. It was Bambaataa's insight that the violence of the gangs that prevailed in the ghetto neighborhoods could be transformed into something more creative by music.

Bambaataa replaces longtime Dragon GM Jean-Luc Ponty who has been deactivated.

December 8
New Cosmic Baseball Team

New Kino City Framemakers
The New Kino City Framemakers are a new Cosmic Baseball Association team. The team consists of relatively well-known filmmakers like Stannley Kubrick, John Ford and Alan Pakula among others. Orson Welles is the manager and the great magician/filmmaker Georges Melies is the team owner. The Framemakers are thematically related to some extent to the CBA's team of avant-garde filmmakers, the Bolex Poetics.

The Framemakers will compete in the Underleague during the 2001 Season.

December 7
Cosmic Baseball Game Report

Supreme Court @ Supreme Courtesans
The distinguished members of the United States Supreme Court meet several distinguished women on the cosmic baseball field.

The justices, sober and reflective, aren't quite sure how to handle these sophisticated but rather lust-filled souls. It's a good game and the winner doesn't get decided until the very end.

December 1
New General Manager

Wonderland Warriors Name Darrell Cole New General Manager
The Wonderland Warriors named Sergeant Darrell Samuel Cole (USMC) as their new General Manager today. Cole replaces General Charles Krulak (USMC) who was deactivated at the end of the 2000 season.

Cole, born July 20, 1920 in Flat River, Missouri was a distinguished combat soldier in the Pacific during World War II. He joined the Marines in 1940 and was assigned as a bugler. But he preferred to fight than blow a bugle. On February 19, 1945 while leading a squad of soldiers during the assault on the island of Iwo Jima he gave his life while performing brave and heroic acts. His gallantry earned him a posthumous Congressional Medal of Honor.

On June 8, 1996 the United States again honored Sgt. Cole by naming a newly commissioned Arleigh Burke Class Destroyer (DDG-67) the USS Cole.


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Archived: December 31, 2000
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