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Cosmic Universal Series

2008 Department Leaders
Democrats @ Republicans
Washington Presidents

Chloe Bloom Wins Film Prize
Presidents Draft Obama
Cards & Dahlias

Presidential Draft Game

Presidential Draft

CBA Celebrates 27th
Dragons On Top
2008 Final Team Standings

Season 2008 Update
Baseball Reliquary's
2008 Eternals

CBA: League Restructuring
MLB: Clemens Study Group
James Hampton Quits
Boxscore: McCains @ Obamas
FoxNews @ MSNBC
Palfrey Nomination Withdrawn
Game Report
Beats @ Planets

National Train Day Series
Washington Presidents
Draft Series

Game Report
Popes @ Politicos

Game Report
Presidents @ Signs

Recent Boxscores
Game Report
Cinema Effect @ Filthy Films

Nationals Park Opens
Recent Linescores
Paul Arthur Passes
Season Opener
New Dragon GM
Kerouac Memorial Game
Hillary @ Barack
Asteroids in Cosmic Baseball
Webpage Hit Statistics
Pre Season Game
New CBA Board Chair
2008 Cosmic Players
Candidates Beat NH
Iowans Beat Candidates

November 30, 2008

Link to Season 2008 CUS Main Plate

Cosmic Universal Series
Paradise Pisces Sweep Series

The Paradise Pisces dominated the Delta Dragons in this season's Cosmic Universal Series. The Pisces won their fourth straight series game today behind seven strong innings of pitching by Robert Bork who picked up the win. The tale of this series is the incredible offensive combustion that spontaneously erupted at the plate when the Fish went to bat.

Pisces Shortstop (and racecar enthusiast) Lance Reventlow was named Game 4's Most Cosmic Player (MCP) and Pisces centerfielder, and former political kidnap victim Patty Hearst won the Series MCP Award for her remarkable offense. Poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, the steady third baseman for the Pisces won Game MCP honors for his work in the first and third games while Pisces catcher and litigation technology specialist Felicia Gleaton was the Game 2 MCP.

Game Reports
Game 1 Game 2 Game 3 Game 4

Series Statistics

November 13, 2008

Link to Season 2008 Main Plate

Season 2008
Department Leaders

Despite his real-world statistical decline in political popularity as measured by a variety of polls, George W. Bush won the Batting Average Title for the 2008 Cosmic Baseball Season. The eighteenth President of the United States, U.S. Grant, won the Homerun Title and Steve Jobs, a computer technology wizard who plays for the Pisces had the most Runs Batted In. Jobs also won the Run Created Title.

In the pitching area rookie Dahlia pitcher Lonestar won the ERA Title, veteran Charlie Parker topped all pitchers in strikeouts served, and the Sun, starting pitcher for the Planets, won the most games as a pitcher.

Zodiac Sign Scorpio, in an unusual feat for a catcher, stole the most bases.

Department Leader/Team Stat
Batting Average George W. Bush, Presidents .341
Homeruns Ulysses S. Grant, Presidents 50
Runs Batted In Steve Jobs, Pisces 120
Runs Created Steve Jobs, Pisces 8.7

Department Leader/Team Stat
Earned Run Average Lonestar, Dahlias 1.83
Strikeouts Charlie Parker, Dragons 483
Games Won The Sun, Planets 44

Department Leader/Team Stat
Stolen Bases Scorpio, Planets 52

November 4, 2008

Major League Baseball likes Democrats more than Republicans

Personal Cosmic Baseball Game
Democrats @ Republicans

Women Democrats like centerfielder Michelle Obama and thirdbasewoman Oprah Winfrey helped carry the day in this personal cosmic baseball game. The game was played the same day millions of United States citizens voted for the next President of the United States. (The CBA's Washington Presidents determined last week to draft rookie Barack Obama, Michelle Obama's husband). As is sometimes the case, real life mimics the cosmic baseball field. In this game, the Democrats soundly defeated the Republicans. John Dean and Al Franken also helped the senior team defeat their rivals with solid at bat events.

The junior team, the team of Abraham Lincoln and the east coast Yankees of the 19th century, looked decidedly lackluster. Republican starter Arnold Vinick went the distance and looked decent. However, the Democrats were just a better team today.

Tomorrow might be different, but the two teams will not play each other tomorrow.


Political Parties

News about the Congressional Baseball Game 2008
Game Time
3 hours 28 minutes

Cloudy, 63o


Jeremiah Wright
G. Gordon Liddy
Joe the Plumber

Official Scorer
Colin Powell

Game MCP

Baseball's relationship with the field of politics is traditional in the United States.

Presidents often throw out ceremonial first pitches and members of the U.S. Congress play an annual baseball game dividing themselves into two teams: Democrats and Republicans.

The perception that Major League Baseball team owners are all rich Republicans does not appear to be the case.

Conversely, the contention found at one web site that Major League Baseball likes Democrats more than Republicans doesn't seem accurate, despite the interesting website's use of charts with rows and columns of statistics to make the point.

In October 2007, as the 2008 Presidential process began in earnest, USA Today published some data on the political contributions of MLB owners. Nineteen of the 30 teams were represented in the results and all but one represented owners. (We have excluded the data for the Chicago Cubs because they are the only remaining star-crossed Major League team. (And the data for the Cubs was for a player, not an owner.)

Of the eighteen Major League Baseball teams sampled, ten contributed to Republican candidates, six contributed to Democrats, and two owners were switch hitters and contributed to both Democrats and Republicans. (Source: USA Today)

November 2, 2008

2008 Washington Presidents Roster

Cosmic Baseball Teams
Washington Presidents: Pitching

Washington Presidents: Analysis

With the selection of Barack Obama, the Washington Presidents are poised to make a significant change in their starting rotation. For a number of years the rotation of Lincoln, Kennedy, Nixon and Carter worked well, especially with the depth of skill in the bullpen. Pundits were pleased at the putative political balance with two Democrats and two Republicans in the rotation. But during Season 2008 some strains surfaced and some sensitivities were exposed. The Presidents hope that OBama can take the place of Richard Nixon who did not have a good season in 2008. His 7-12 (won-loss) record was a disappointment and Nixon will likely be benched next season to make room for the rookie Obama.

In this scenario, Abraham Lincoln becomes the lone Republican in the starting rotation. Sometimes, it's not whether you agree politically but whether or not you can play better than .500 ball.

Season 2008 Final Official Statistics

Washington Presidents 2008 Statistics
ERA-Earned Run Average IP-Innings Pitched ERun-Earned Runs BB-Walk K-Strikeout W-Won L-Lost

October 31, 2008


Cosmic Baseball Players
Chloe Bloom Wins Film Prize

Chloe Bloom, until recently, a cosmic baseball player on the roster of the (deactivated) Orchomena Dahlias won the First Prize ("Best of Festival") today at an internet film festival. Bloom who pitched for the 2008 Dahlias lost 24 games while compiling a 3.33 earned run average. (Pitching was not the problem for the Dahlias, hitting the ball with a bat was.)

Bloom won the award for the making of "Hand Jive." In an advance review of the film, Samantha Blue wrote, "First time I played it for only 30 seconds or so, didn't see any sexual activity, and moved on to the next film. After viewing all the other nominated films, I read Bloom's notes about her work. In her notes, she described the sexual and pornographic aspects and so I revisited the film. I watched with anticipation and once the sexual became apparent I was mesmerized. Perhaps the buildup was a bit long for me, but after watching the entire film, I found it particularly enchanting. I loved how it transitioned and actually watched it several times." (from Canon Digital Review, September 2008).

Bloom has been making experimental and underground films for several years but, according to her, this is the first award she has ever won for her cinematographic work. She says some of her significant influences were filmmakers associated with the Bolex Poetics (another deactivated cosmic baseball team) like Andrew Noren, Bruce Baillie, Adolfas Mekas, Kenneth Anger and perhaps most of all Jack Smith. She says Smith's 1963 classic "Flaming Creatures" influenced her heavily in the making of "Hand Jive."

Will Bloom pitch for another cosmic baseball team? She thinks that remains to be seen.

October 28, 2008

Link to Obama page at

Obama at

Cosmic Baseball Players
Presidents Draft Barack Obama

One week in advance of the U.S. presidential election, the Washington Presidents have drafted Barack Obama. In a brief statement, team general manager Martha Washington said the drafting of Obama, the junior senator from the state of Illinois, is the first step in a new direction the team wants to take. (Because of rules, the Presidents have limited ability to modify the playing roster so the GM is probably referring to additional changes in the team's management ranks.)

Obama will join the team as a pitcher for the 2009 cosmic baseball season. According to team officials, Obama's uniform number will be 44.

This is the first time the Washington Presidents have drafted a rookie before the will of the American people has been registered. Apparently, team management was convinced that Obama has a stronger arm than other candidates and the team early on recognized they need pitching help. Little is known about Obama's pitching skills. As a child, he was an eager and average batter.

The 2008 Washington Presidents finished in fifth place in the eight team cosmic baseball league this season. They compiled a 77-85 won-loss record and endured a number of controversies, including the abrupt quitting of their field manager.

October 23, 2008

2008 Dahlias Roster

2008 Cards Roster

Team Deactivations
Orchomena Dahlias & Playing Cards

Not unexpectedly, the two worst cosmic baseball teams of the 2008 season were deactivated today. Both were rookie teams with just one season of activity in the books.

The Orchomena Dahlias placed seventh in the eight team league. They posted a 73-89 won-loss record (.451). At the beginning of the season there were high hopes for this team. The Dahlias were reminiscent of the legendary Vestal Virgins (1982-2005) and some hoped this new team would take a competitive place in the regular cosmic playing league. Not the case.

The Playing Cards came in dead last (67-94, .414) and hardly anybody paid attention to the team. Insiders think the problem was the restriction that only one of the four standard suits could be eligible for the official roster. Based on a series of games between all four suits the Diamonds exclusively represented the Cards on the field. Their representation was poor and the other standard suits will not have a chance to demonstrate their prowess on the cosmic baseball field.

October 21, 2008

2008 Presidential Draft Game
LineScore & BoxScore: Obamas @ McCains

2008 Presidential Election at

DRAFT NOTES: As a result of Republican Colin Powell's endorsement on Sunday of the Democratic candidate for President , the former U.S. Secretary of State will be added to the Obamas roster effective tomorrow. Powell's position is "to be determined."

2008 Presidential Election at

October 20, 2008

Presidential Candidates at the Washington Post

2008 Presidential Draft
Draft Selection Will Pitch

The Washington Presidents will draft one new player for action next season. The brain trust inside the organization has decided that the team needs a pitcher, perhaps a starter. The problem is that the Washington Presidents' brain trust itself is in disarray and there does not seems to be any consensus within the trust. In addition to a new pitcher, the team is likely to have a new field manager although neither George or Martha are saying much in public.

The pundits all agree that the two finalists in the draft are John McCain, Senator from Arizona and Barack Obama, Senator from Illinois. The team has been evaluating the candidates in head-to-head pitching competitions. Twentyfour (24) games have been played by teams consisting of individuals related in some way to the pitching candidates. The intensity will likely pick up even more as decision time approaches.

A covert report compiled by anonymous COBRA Scholars predicted last February that Senator Obama will be drafted by the team.

Washington Presidents Index Plate

Related Links

  • McCains vs Obamas (May, 2008)
  • Clintons vs Obamas #2 (April, 2008)
  • Clintons vs Obamas #1 (March, 2008)
  • New Hampshire (January, 2008)
  • Iowa (January, 2008)
  • 2004 Draft
  • 2000 Draft

  • Top

    October 9, 2008

    CBA Celebrates
    27th Anniversary

    The Cosmic Baseball Association celebrated its 27th anniversary today. The festivities, held in Washington DC, were understated in comparison to prior anniversary celebrations. Current global economic events dictated the modest approach.

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    Archived: November 30, 2008