CBA News & Information Archive

October 1996

To Current News & Information

To Other News Archives

October 25, 1996


Henry Miller, author of Tropic of Capricorn and Tropic of Cancer among other novels, and field manager of the Paradise Pisces for the last six seasons has called up his former lover and wife June Miller to the Pisces for 1997. Mrs. Miller (she's one of five) has played outfield for the last six seasons with the Underleague Erotics squad. She only had 28 at bats last season (1996) but in 1995 she hit .287 with 268 at bats.

June Miller is an entirely enigmatic figure who captivated the fertile mind of Miller who met her in a Brooklyn dance hall in 1923. At the time Miller was married and the father of a young daughter. Nevertheless, he divorced his wife and married the passionate June. June Miller is also associated with Anais Nin the provocative diarist who is the Pisces' current general manager (Nin also pitched for 12 cosmic seasons for the Vestal Virgins and the Pisces).

To understand the depth of Henry Miller's relationship with June, consider that the "Capricorn" and "Cancer" of the above-mentioned books refer not to matters equatorial or astrological: they are Henry's names for each of June's breasts.

October 22, 1996


In 1990 the Commissioner of Baseball, A. Bartlett Giamatti put Pete Rose on the Hall-of-Fame "ineligible" list because he apparently disgraced the honor of the game by gambling. Rose joins "Shoeless" Joe Jackson and the other 1919 Blacksox members on this infamous list.

A number of individuals have spoken out in support of re-instating Rose. Notably, Mike Schmidt, inducted to the Hall in 1995 thinks baseball ought to forgive Rose and presumably forget his transgression. So does the Hall-of-Fame sportswriter Jim Murray. He views Rose's gambling as an illness, not a crime. (Rose went to jail for income tax evasion but that's not the reason he's been banned from gambling is baseball's first rule.) Ken Burns, maker of the well-received "Baseball" series also thinks Rose deserves to be in the Hall. "I absolutely believe that Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame. If you exclude Pete Rose you have to exclude many other people beginning with Babe Ruth and Ty Cobb, and others whose behavior would not stand the test of our current moral standards."

But others don't agree. Bob Feller, the Hall-of-Fame pitcher, has gone on record and said he would not return to Cooperstown if Rose were admitted to the Hall. Rose's teammate on the Reds, Hall-of-Fame catcher Johnny Bench has also come out against his admission.

CBA is running a Membership Referendum on the issue: Should Rose get into the Hall-of-Fame? The referendum will run until March 31, 1997. Results will be published in April.

Members can vote by sending their vote and comments to CBA by email to or votes can be entered through the Member/Guest Book. Surface mail can also be used. CBA's surface mail address is: Suite 204, 9900 Georgia Avenue, Silver Spring, MD 20902.

For those of you who would like to contribute your opinion on the Pete Rose issue to a wider forum, check out the Pete Rose Cooperstown Countdown site.

October 20, 1996


A major reorganization of personnel from pitchers, to batters, to coaches has been announced by the Paradise Pisces. Everything seems to have changed except the main management positions. Henry Miller remains as the field manager and Anais Nin remains as the team's general manager.

But Miller has three new coaches indicating a youth movement is underway in the coaching ranks: Frank Frohb, Vern Vinton, and Zip Zarb are out and Noah Lampert, Jeff Meier, and Siryn are in. Lampert and Meier are 13 and 12 years old respectively. Siryn is a fictional character from the X-Men series. In the pitching department, five of the ten hurlers are gone: the Roman Clodia, the scientist Maxwell, the pedagogue Montessori, and the Owner's daughter Perlis have all been retired or deactivated. Poet Lew Welch will return to the Dharma Beats. And so will his buddy, thirdbase poet Phillip Whalen. Centerfield philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche returns to the Ionians.

The big question is: who will replace these players? As of this writing we do know that there are plans to call up from the Visionville Beasts their ace pitcher, filmmaker Hollis Frampton. Rumors are also afloat suggesting that the fish are going to draft Mary Jo Kopechne from the Chappaquiddick League. But that still leaves a lot of lockers waiting to be filled.

When the Pisces are not participating in post-season play, their new roster usually gets released around Halloween. The 1996 and 1995 rosters are still available online. For a list of all available rosters, see the Official Team Rosters plate.

October 15, 1996


CBA announces the creation of a new cosmic baseball team, the Bigtopia Barnum Stormers. The Barnum Stormers consist of circus personalites such as General Tom Thumb, the Cardiff Giant, Etta Lake, Chang & Eng and others. Phineas Taylor Barnum, the "Shakespeare of American Advertising" and himself a former cosmic baseball player (Pisces 1989-1994) owns the team. The famous tramp clown Emmett Kelly is the field manager and Jenny Lind, Dan Rice and Captain Jacob Crowninshield are coaches. The Barnum Stormers will replace the Postmasters in the cosmic Underleague for the 1997 Season.

October 15, 1996


CBA announced a number of cosmic player deactivations and retirements effective immediately:

The Alphatown Ionians deactivated the following players:

Heinrich Bleucher (p), Sofia Kovaleskaya (c), William Lensing (p), Blaise Pascal (of), Plato (of), Plotinus (p). The Ionians also announced the retirement of long-time Ionian pitcher, Anaxagoras.

The Dharma Beats deactivated the following players:

Joan Adams (c), Hal Chase (of), Jay DeFeo (of), Naomi Ginsberg (p), Joyce Johnson (p), Lawrence Lipton (p), James R. Morris (ss), Stella Sampas (3b).

The Vestal Virgins deactivated the following players:
Jane Addams (ss), Clara Barton (2b), Annette Funicello (p), Jessica Lange (if), Jiang Qiang (1b), Sojourner Truth (p).

The Washington Presidents deactivated the following players:
John Adams (if), James k. Polk (p).

The Wonderland Warriors deactivated the following players:
Col. Harrison Dey (p), Bob Hopkins (of), Hiram Maxim (if), Richard Meadows (of), Capt. Richard Medina (p), Col. Oliver North (if), General John Pershing (if), General Colin Powell (p).

Round 1 of the Winter Rookie Draft will be held in November.

October 9, 1996


In honor of its 15th Anniversary, the Cosmic Baseball Association has published several new plates depicting part of its cosmic history. Cosmic Player Awards, 1981-1996 details the yearly pitching, batting, and homerun award winners. The Official Team Records, 1981-1996 plate provides the final team standings for each cosmic season. The Official Chronology of the CBA has been published as a work-in-progress plate. The chronology contains key dates relevant to team and league creations as well as other historical data about the CBA. Finally, a Special Exhibit of documents from the CBA Archives will be available through December.

Thanks to all our friends and members who have been so supportive of this project in so many different ways. All of us at CBA look forward to the next fifteen years...

October 7, 1996


The CBA announced today that two Underleague teams, the Park City Postmasters and the Nirvanaville Yogis have been deactivated and will not compete during the 1997 season. Replacement teams will be announced before the end of the year.

The Nirvanaville Yogis started playing in the CBA in 1984 and except for the 1986 season, have played continuously in the Underleague. Their overall record stands at 978 wins against 950 losses. The Yogis appeared in the Cosmic Universal Series twice: In 1987 they lost the series to the Wonderland Warriors and in 1992 they lost to the Bhutan Vanguards. In 1996 they posted a record of 75 wins and 79 losses.

The Park City Postmasters have played in the CBA continuously since 1985 accumulating a won-loss record of 986-950. Their best year in terms of won-loss records was 1993 when they won 101 and lost 61 games. The Postmasters played in the 1995 Cosmic Universal Series. They lost to the Paradise Pisces.

October 3, 1996


In 1986 the Dharma Beats cosmic team was suspended for an entire season because of an incident that involved Beat players spitting on fans. The details of this ugly event have never been fully disclosed, but the point is, an entire team was suspended for an entire season for conduct that was entirely unacceptable.

Several days ago, Baltimore Oriole secondbaseman Roberto Alomar spit in homeplate umpire John Hirschbeck's face. Alomar was angry at a strike call made by the umpire. A war of words ensued. It has not been disclosed what Mr. Hirschbeck said to Mr. Alomar, but there is some indication that it might have been a racist slur. However, to our knowledge, the provocative comment has not yet been made public. In any case, Mr. Alomar did spit in Mr. Hirschbeck's face. For that act alone, CBA would suspend the player for 25 games.

Shortly after the incident, in the locker room, Mr. Alomar made several comments that suggested Mr. Hirschbeck's professional shortcomings were related to the umpire's personal life. Mr. Hirschbeck's private life has been marked by siginificant tragedy: he lost a young son to a rare and crippling disease; another son is afflicted with the same illness. Mr. Alomar said that Mr. Hirschbeck was "bitter" about the tragic loss of his son. Alomar's insinuation was that this bitterness was affecting Mr. Hirschbeck's ability to call balls and strikes at homeplate. For these absurd and public comments, CBA would further suspend Mr. Alomar an additional 5 days.

In Mr. Alomar's defense, it has been said that he is a model major league baseball player and that his reputation prior to this event has been pure. Somewhat of a choir-boy image has been suggested. However, Mr. Alomar has previously been suspended by the American League for an incident that occured last year. At the end of a game in Texas, Mr. Alomar, then a Toronto Bluejay, threw his glove at homeplate umpire Richie Garcia. Alomar was angry at Mr. Garica for the way he called balls and strikes. The League issued a 2 game suspension. Mr. Alomar initially appealed the suspension, then dropped his appeal. The League ultimately reduced the suspension to one game.

With regard to Mr. Hirschbeck's behavior we do know that upon hearing of Mr. Alomar's locker room comments, he became enraged, and attempted to find and apparently engage in some form of physical battle with the player. The umpire was restrained and never did reach Alomar. Mr. Hirschbeck was quoted as saying that he wanted to "kill" Mr. Alomar. For his lack of grace under pressure, CBA would issue a five game suspension to Mr. Hirschbeck and a recommendation that he seek counselling. Perhaps both should attend some form of sensitivity training. Maybe one day, the two could shake hands and be friends like Yasser Arafat and Benjamin Netanyahu. (Note: Coincidentally, Arafat and Netanyahu just finished umpiring the Underleague Championship series together).

Finally, the major league umpires' attempt to blackmail Major League Baseball over this incident makes the umpires nearly as graceless as Major League Baseball. MLB's owners, players, and now its umpires, leave the fans frustrated but knowing why the great game of the quadrature has fallen into such disgrace.

October 2, 1996


After a dissapointing first season, the Paintland Vermeers (1996 Record: 61-93) have been deactivated from the Oriental Wing of the Underleague. The Tropicland Hurricanes have been reactivated and will replace the Vermeers for Season 1997. The Hurricanes last played cosmic baseball during Season 1993. One of CBA's best teams, a Tropicland Hurricanes Special Archive Plate containing the roster and stats for the 1993 Hurricane season has been published. The 1997 Roster will be available early next year.

October 1, 1996


The Vienna Songbirds meet the Pranktown Busriders in this year's Underleague Championship. The best-of-five series begins today at Furthur Fields, the Busriders' home park. The winner of the series goes on to meet the Washington Presidents in the Cosmic Universal Series, a best-of-seven affair commencing Thanksgiving Day in LaFayette Park. Ken Babbs, the Busrider field skipper predicted a 3-game sweep of the classical musicians. Box scores, line scores, and other game statistics can be found at the 1996 UCS Plate.

October 1, 1996


  • New Memberships Issued: 8
  • Membership Resignations: 1
  • CBA Website Hits: 4,356
  • Most Popular Plate: 1987 Khe Sanh Commanders- Special Archive Plate, 295 hits
  • New Plates: 1993 Tropicland Hurricanes- Special Archive Plate
  • Updated Player Plates: none

    October 1, 1996


    October 1, 1996


    Top of this Page

    To Current News & Information

    To Other News Archives

    ||| HOME ||| Guest Book ||| Email |||

    CBA News & Information Archive
    Updated: October 25, 1996
    Revised: August 1, 1997
    Copyright © 1996 by the Cosmic Baseball Association