Archived: October 31, 2000

George Bush/Al Gore Home Run Derby (Update)


Home Run Totals
as of October 31
(570 pitches)

10/29/2000 Update: This home run derby was supposed to conclude today. However, because the contestants have each hit an equal number of homeruns the contest will be extended until November 7.

Since the Washington Presidents will be adding one new player to its roster in November and since the team needs a power-hitting outfielder, club officials have decided to conduct a home run derby pitting the two top contenders, Democrat Al Gore and Republican George W. Bush, against each other.
The derby will be conducted from Labor Day through October 29. Each day during this period each contender will be thrown 10 fastballs by a simulated pitcher. The batter with the most home runs at the end of the contest will, assuming other factors don't intervene, be awarded a position on the Presidents' 2001 roster.

(Note: At the moment Green Party candidate Ralph Nader and Reform Party candidate Patrick Buchanan have not requested to be included in the derby. Team officials said however that if a request is received by either individual, or any other contender, prior to Labor Day, they would be eligible to compete in the derby. The fact that neither Nader nor Buchanan have asked to be included in the contest suggests that they do not hold any realistic expectations of making the team.)

[September 4, 2000]

New York vs New York: The Subway Series

How baseball fans outside of the New York area decide which team to root for in the World Series is an interesting question. If you are from Boston the decision is simple: you root for the Mets. Despite the torment of 1986 at the hands of the Mets (or through the legs of Mr. Buckner) it is the Yankees who have plagued the Red Sox since 1919.

New York's arrogant mayor, Rudy Giuliani, claimed this year's World Series will "give New York an opportunity to be even more arrogant." Since the mayor is a Yankee fan perhaps this provides fans in the provinces a reason to root for the Mets.

Since it is a political season maybe there is a way to decide what team to root for along ideological lines. Traditionally the Yankees have been identified with the white-collar types and the Mets with the blue-collars. However, the fact is that both teams have to be identified solidly with conservative Republicans (despite Hillary Clinton's presumed affection for the Yankees.) The Bronx Bombers are owned by George Steinbrenner (he's the soul that was born on third base but insists he hit a triple.) Steinbrenner was a notorious Nixon supporter. Joan Payson who was close to the Bush family originally owned the Mets. (George W's great uncle was a partner with Payson in the purchase of the team.)

If you like to root for the underdog then root for the Mets. The two teams have met 18 times and the Yankees have won 11 times (6-3 at Yankee Stadium; 5-4 at Shea.) The Yankees have also won 10 of the 14 so-called "Subway Series."

Officially the Cosmic Baseball Association is rooting for the New York Mets. We routinely support underdogs. But also, since we have always maintained that the Boston Red Sox are the most poetic and tragic team in Major League Baseball history we could not in good faith ever support a Yankee team. Nevertheless, we predict the Yankees will win in six.

Incidentally: The combined payroll of the Yankees and Mets (US$190 million) could purchase nearly 127 million New York City subway tokens. That's a lot of rides on the Number 4, 7 and D trains.


[October 20, 2000]

The "World Series" in the 19th Century
1882 Cincinnati (AA) ties Chicago (NL). Series tied, 1-1 games
  This is the first contest between teams from two different leagues (AA-American Association; NL-National League.) Only two games were played before the contest was aborted. Each team won a game.
1884 Providence (NL) defeats New York (AA), 3-0 games.
  This was the first contest actually billed as a series to determine the "champions of the World." All three games (October 23-25) were played in New York. The third game, attended by 300 fans, was called off after 6 innings because of darkness.
1885 Chicago (NL) ties St. Louis (AA), 3-3 games (1 game tied)
  The first seven-game World Series, with one game resulting in a tie. Alfred Spink, founder of The Sporting News called the contest "The World Championship Series."
1886 St. Louis (AA) defeats Chicago (NL), 4-2 games.
  The St. Louis Browns won this "world series" in the 10th inning of Game Six when Curt Welch stole home despite a pitch-out. Average attendance per game was over 7,000 and the winning team earned approximately $14,000.
1887 Detroit (NL) defeats St. Louis (AA), 10-5 games.
  This was organized baseball's longest "world series", 15 games played in 10 different cities (St. Louis, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Brooklyn, New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, DC, Baltimore, Chicago). This was also the first time that two umpires officiated at all the games.
1888 New York (NL) defeats St. Louis (AA), 6-4 games.
  Jim Mutrie, former manager of the New York Metropolitans in the American Association became the first baseball field manager to manage "world series" teams in two different leagues when he managed the New York Giants in the 1888 Series.
1889 New York (NL) defeats Brooklyn (AA), 6-3 games.
  More than 16,000 spectators attended Game 2 on October 19 in Brooklyn making it by far the most attended "world series" game to date.
1890 Brooklyn (NL) ties Louisville (AA), 3-3 games (1 game tied)
  Perhaps a meaningless series since most believed that the Boston Reds of the outlaw Player's League was the superior baseball team in 1890.
1892 Boston (NL) defeats Cleveland (NL), 5-0 games (1 game tied)
  With the folding of the American Association in 1891 the 1892 "world series" was an all-National League affair. The League played a divided season and the series was played between the winner of the first half, Cleveland and the winner of the second half, Boston.
1894 New York (NL) defeats Baltimore (NL), 4-0 games.
  With just one league the "world series" was played between the first- and second-place teams. And the New York Giants, the second-place finisher won the series. Pittsburgh businessman and sports enthusiast William C. Temple created the "Temple Cup" this year to be awarded to the winning team. Over 22,000 fans attended Game 3 of the series in New York.
1895 Cleveland (NL) defeats Baltimore (NL), 4-1 games.
  Again this year the second-place team won the Temple Cup as the Cleveland Spiders behind their ace pitcher Cy Young (3-0 series record) prevailed.
1896 Baltimore (NL) defeats Cleveland, 4-0 games.
  Finally the Baltimore Orioles, pennant winners for the third straight season won the Temple Cup as the same two teams met again to vie for the bragging rights as the best baseball team in the world.
1897 Baltimore (NL) defeats Boston (NL), 4-1 games.
  The Boston Beaneaters won the pennant but lost the Temple Cup to the second-place finishing Baltimore Oriloes in the last Temple Cup series. Only 700 fans attended the fifth game and the National League returned the cup to Mr. Temple instead of sponsoring anymore unprofitable series. No more "world series" were played until 1900.
1900 Brooklyn (NL) defeats Pittsburgh (NL), 3-1 games.
  The pennant winning Brooklyn Superbas met the runner-up Pittsburgh Pirates for a best-of-five game series played entirely in Pittsburgh.The Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph donated a silver cup for the affair which the visiting Superbas took home.
[October 1, 2000]

Season 2000 Deactivated Cosmic Players

The following players have been deactivated and will not appear on the Season 2001 team rosters:

Alphatown Ionians
Rudolph Carnap
Ernst Cassirer
Max Planck

Vestal Virgins
Helene Cixous
Virginia Clemm
Janis Halpert

Wonderland Warriors
Shamil Basayev
Alexander Borodin
David Lownds
Francis Marion

Delta Dragons
Peggy Lee
Toru Takemitsu

Bhutan Vanguards
Judy Chicago
Gordon Onlsow Ford
William de Kooning

Eden Bohemians
Henry Darger
Afred de Musset
Louis Zukovsky

Heartland Capitalists
Paul Allen
Howard Hughes
Ted Leonsis
Charles Schwab

Telecity Superbas
Christina Applegate
Lucille Ball
Ozzie Nelson
Portia de Rossi
Jerry Seinfeld
Phil Silvers

Psychedelphia Woodsox
Angela Davis
Art Kleps
Owsley Stanley

Oliver Brown
Richard Dixon

Dharma Roses
Mardou Fox
Anne Waldman

Motherland Mothers
Mother Goose
Franziska Nietzsche
Maguerite Oswald
Frances Rossetti
Anna Whistler

Sweepland Curves
Fermat's Spiral
Kappa Curve

Allahville Shabazzers
C. Eric Lincoln
Louis Lomax

[October 6, 2000]

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[October 8, 2000]
October 2000 News Archive

October 24
World Series Notes
Rocket Not Scientist
"I thought it was the ball," said Yankee pitcher Roger Clemens explaining why he threw part of a broken bat in the direction of his nemesis, Mets catcher Mike Piazza.

"I was looking at the ball, the ball went foul and I'm running toward first base and, all of a sudden, basically I don't know what happened," said Yankee catcher Jorge Posada.

"I don't know what happened. There was a foul ball, I went back to shortstop and, all of a sudden, everyone was on the field," said Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter.

"I really didn't see what happened..., " said Yankee firstbaseman Tino Martinez.

How is it that the Yankee catcher, firstbaseman and shortstop don't know what happened? And how silly is Clemens' explanation? Well, under the circumstances, these comments are understandable. Posada, Jeter and Martinez are just protecting a teammate. Clemens is just being stupid. It's not the first time for him. They call him the "Rocket" not the "Scientist."

Clemens simply lost his cool in the heat of the moment. No harm was actually done. But the reactions and counter-reactions would make you think Clemens had actually hit Mike Piazza. Actually, back in July he did. He beaned Piazza on the head with one of his wicked fastballs. Clemens has always been an uncool pitcher, that's part of his effectiveness.

"I can't imagine he would throw at him," said New York mayor and devout Yankee partisan Rudy Giuliani. Politics aside, one might expect a mayor of New York to have more creative capacity then this comment suggests.

At least Clemens has put to rest the notion that wimpy American League pitchers, protected by the absurd designated hitter rule, don't know what to do with a bat.

The weirdest comment of all came from Sandy Alderson, executive vice president of baseball operations in the commissioner's office. He said, "It was an unusual incident. That's why I think we're approaching it with a certain amount of circumspence." It was a bizarre incident but what in the world does "circumspence" mean? Does anybody know?

Click Here for a cosmic baseball player who was a rocket scientist: ROBERT GODDARD

October 23
Cosmic Game Report
Gas Bags vs Blow Hards
Call them what you want: pundits, talking heads, puckfists, rodomontades. The fact is when they get together in a room or on the cosmic field of play, the temperature rises from all the hot air molecules. Seduced by their own voices, it is not clear whether or not they actually hear anybody else talking. So the question arises along with the hot air: who is actually listening to them?

This particular cosmic game took over four hours to play because of all the delays instigated by the quibbling and analyzing of the participants. The Gas Bags prevailed primarily because they overwhelmed the Blow Hards offensively. One wag in the stands suggested that part of the explanation for the glut of home runs had to do with all the rhetorical wind in the stadium. Maybe, but this wind seemed only to push the Gas Bag balls out of the park. The Blow Hards didn't seem to benefit.

Not surprisingly only a few dozen masochists were left in the stands by the time of the seventh inning stretch. Most fans had already left because they were bored by the punditry.

Link to Game Report

October 15
JCBA Volume No. 19
Volume 19 of the Journal of the Cosmic Baseball Association is now available online.

The JCBA, published periodically by the CBA, contains essays, poems and other articles of interest to our members and friends.

JCBA 19 includes work by Dennis Cardwell, Tony Trigilio, Lani Canfield Fisher and poetry by David Dixon Margolis. Anna Marie Kersade has annotated Lawrence Ferlinghetti's "Baseball Canto". There are stories and prose by Joe Pelanconi and David Smith. The issue also includes an index of baseball movies since 1898 and a chronological index of World Series seventh games with related non-baseball historical events.

Link to JCBA 19

Link to JCBA Online Index

October 9
CBA Celebrates 19th Anniversary
The Cosmic Baseball Association was founded 19 years ago today in Apartment 23, 940 Hancock Avenue, Los Angeles, California, 90069.

There were several factors that helped influence the creation of CBA. The terrible Major League Baseball strike of 1981 resulted in a screwed-up shortened and split season. Greed and avarice leaked from players and owners alike. Richard Nixon once commented that "America isn't America without baseball." And Bill Clinton once remarked during a later baseball labor-management dispute that the problem was basically, "a few hundred folks trying to figure out how to divide nearly $2 billion dollars." Another factor was the number of artists, writers, musicians and others who coalesced on the West Coast at that moment. These creative types shared a mystical love of the pure game of baseball.

Without much real baseball during that strike-out summer we resorted to simulated baseball using instruments such as the Strat-O-Matic baseball board game. Strat-O-Matic was played with dice and baseball player cards. The player cards were statistical databases of a real-life Major Leaguer's performance during a past season. Each season's player cards were supplemented with three "no name" cards, two for pitchers and one for a batter. Ersatz "managers" could "write in" a player's name. It was these "no name" cards that helped inspire the creation of the original cosmic baseball teams.

The creation of the first cosmic baseball team, the Paradise Pisces, began on October 9; the team was completely built in four days and on October 13 the first cosmic baseball game was played. The Pisces lost to the 1980 Philadelphia Phillies.

October 6
Cosmic Game Report
Republicans vs Democrats
In an attempt to determine the outcome of the general elections to be held in the United States on November 7 the Cosmic Baseball Association generated a cosmic game pitting influential Democrats against influential Republicans. In combination with the Bush/Gore Home Run Derby this game should provide some insight to the results of the voting. The results of this game might be predicitive of the various congressional and gubernatorial races while the Home Run Derby should provide a clue as to which candidate will win the presidential election.

But for a rocky third inning on the mound Republican Vice-Presidential candidate Dick Cheney pitched a decent game and might have won had he not thrown that fastball down the middle to Democratic consultant Paul Begala on a 3-2 count. Begala tagged the ball for a grandslam home run. In the sixth inning the Democrats' Vice Presidential nominee, Senator Joe Lieberman (Conn.) gave up a two-run home run to National Rifle Association chairman and Republican spokesman Charlton Heston. But the Republicans only managed one more hit during the rest of the game when staunch Republican Oliver North hit a single off the rightfield wall in the top of the ninth. North was left stranded.

Despite the fact that many of the players are heavy hitters with substantial influence in their respective parties there really wasn't much bat swinging in the game and even less contact with the ball. Whether or not one can rely on the results of this cosmic game to determine the reality election results is a decision each citizen must make on their own.

October 5
Woodsox Win Subleague Series
The Psychedelphia Woodsox won the fifth and deciding game of the Season 2000 Subleague Series. Convicted murderer and cult leader Charles Manson got the victory for the Woodsox as the neck and neck series concluded on the Woodsox' home turf.

Boxing champion Muhammad Ali had two home runs in the game including a 2-run eighth inning blast that put the Woodsox ahead. Ali had a .381 series average with three home runs and 5 runs batted in earning him the series' Most Cosmic Player Award.

The Woodsox will face the Overleague pennant winning Paradise Pisces in the Cosmic Universal Series (CUS). The CUS is a best-of-seven contest that begins on Thanksgiving Day (November 23.)

October 1
Subleague Series
The Speed City Velocitors meet the Middleleague's Psychedelphia Woodsox in the Season 2000 Subleague Series.

The Subleague Series is a best of five games contest and the winner goes on to meet the Paradise Pisces in the Cosmic Universal Series.

Click for Rosters

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Archived: October 31, 2000