The Season has begun winding down with less than a month left. (The regular portion of the season officially ends on September 26, 2004.)

Season 2004 Main Plate

Cosmic Baseball Games

Cosmic Baseball games are played on cosmic baseball fields located in the various team venues. To our friends and fans who have requested tickets to cosmic games we thank you for your interest. Cosmic game tickets are difficult to come by. The games are simulated using computer software.

Selected 2004 Games

Poetics @ Mothers
Presidents @ Warriors
More 2004 Cosmic Games...

2004 Cosmic Baseball Player Plates

Richard Burton
Thomas Howie
Alice de Forest Sedgwick

2004 Cosmic Baseball Teams


Paradise Pisces

Dharma Beats

Alphatown Ionians

Vestal Virgins

Washington Presidents

Wonderland Warriors


Heartland Capitalists

Delta Dragons

Bolex Poetics

Bigtopia Barnumstormers

Motherland Mothers

New Ceutical City Pharmers

August 31, 2004

News Plate Redesigned

CBA's News & Information plate was redesigned by a team of designers from the design firm of Dinaco Associates. Lead designer Veronica Zarman and her team spent four months working on the new design.
August 30, 2004

Home Run Derby Roadblock

Washington Presidents, who have likely secured a near bottom spot in the Upperleague (they are tied in the standings for last place at the moment) have indicated they might not make outfielder George W. Bush available for the Presidential Home Run Derby sponsored by the Cosmic Baseball Association. The contest was to pit Bush against Senator John F. Kerry to see who could hit the most home runs.

There is nothing to compel the Presidents to make a player available for the derby which takes place every four years (2000 Derby). The 2004 derby was to begin October 18 and continue through election day. Typically the derby winner wins the Presidential general election in the United States.

Amanda Blue, Assistant Executive Director of the Cosmic Baseball Association said that the CBA might approach Richard Cheney and John Edwards to see if they might be interested in a derby contest. The status of Cheney is, at the moment, problematic, according to Ms. Blue. However, Blue also said, that the Bush-Kerry derby was not completely out of the question. "We have sent negotiators into each camp to discuss the situation."

August 23, 2004

Baseball in Washington, D.C.

Not everyone in Washington, D.C. wants a new baseball stadium to be built in their front or back yards. The Southwester newspaper, published for the citizens in the greater Southwest area of the District and with a stated circulation of 10,000 is worried that a new stadium will devour the area.

But the Washington Post, in an editorial published on August 18 puts forth reasons it would be good if baseball returned to the nation's capital.
The good of baseball is Bud Selig's paramount consideration as commissioner, and if he keeps that goal foremost as he considers what's to be done with the failing Montreal Expos, the decision is simple: Move the team to Washington. None of the other contending cities is even close, in terms of population, income or interest in the game...This is a city that's been aching for baseball for a long time, and it's ready to support the game

August 9, 2004

Do the Presidents Want Kerry?

Link to Washington Presidents Index
If the
Washington Presidents want a pitcher, then John Kerry may not be the man for the job. This observation is based on Kerry's audition for the team prior to a game at Fenway Park on Sunday, July 25. Kerry threw a pitch to Spec. Will Pumyea, 23, a military police officer in the Massachusetts National Guard from Woburn, who had just returned from Iraq and who also had previously served in Afghanistan. But Kerry's pitch to the plate fell short.

Top management people in the Presidents' front office have been whispering that Chester Arthur or James Polk might be deactivated after the 2004 season. (Both Arthur and Polk are having miserable seasons; but so is Abraham Lincoln and no one whispers about deactivating him.) Others around the club believe the team needs fresh blood at shortstop. John Tyler has fielded poorly this season and his poor batting average (it is consistently below .225) hasn't helped things out. Backup shortstop James Buchanan isn't providing much at the plate either.

Could Kerry come to the team as a shortstop? The problem is that there isn't much of an historical record indicating which position best suits the 2004 Democratic Presidential Candidate. At 6'4" he should be a pitcher. While taller shortstops became the vogue with Cal Ripken, Kerry might just be too tall for the position. However, what the Presidents do not need is a no arm pitcher.

Political election prognosticators may want to balance their polls with this information. What are the chances of John Kerry getting elected if there isn't a clear place for him on the Presidents' roster? Baseball scouts, real and imagined, will tell Presidential Special Plateyou, there is something called karma that comes into play when you evaluate the potential success of a rookie in a baseball league. The Presidents aren't doing well on the cosmic baseball field this year, despite having won 117 games last season and the Cosmic Universal Series. Why the dramatic downturn? Pitching woes, most pundits observe. Bill Clinton was the last rookie pitcher drafted by the team. Is it time for a new pitcher? And is John Kerry, junior senator from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, qualified for the position? His audition at venerable Fenway Park in July creates doubt.

On the other hand, Senator Kerry's flabbergasting knowledge of reality baseball may mitigate his physical shortcomings. The Boston baseball writer Peter Gammons has floated a questionable rumor that has Kerry telling radio sports talk show host Eddie Andelman that Johnny Yost was Kerry's favorite Red Sox player. Yost, who mostly played for the defunct Washington Senators never played, (he coached) for the Red Sox. But some have speculated that Gammons, who was an adolescent sports rival of Kerry's, might be launching a personal and ad hominem attack on the Senator.

If John Kerry makes it on to the Presidents' roster, it will be because the team needs some fresh blood to help pull it out of the Upperleague's basement.

CBA Home Page

Hurricanes Game Report

Baseball Politics

Season 2004 News

John Kerry

HR Derby Roadblock

Baseball in DC

Cosmic Player Plates

Thomas Howie 2004 Cosmic Player Plate
Thomas Howie

Alice de Forest Sedgwick 2004 Cosmic Player Plate
Alice de Forest Sedgwick

Robert Burton 2004 Cosmic Player Plate
Robert Burton

Prozac 2004 Cosmic Player Plate

Cosmic Teams

Link to 2004 Roster

Link to 2004 Roster

Link to 2004 Roster

Link to 2004 Roster

Link to 2004 Roster

Link to 2004 Roster

Link to 2004 Roster

Link to 2004 Roster

Link to 2004 Roster

Link to 2004 Roster

Link to 2004 Roster

Link to 2004 Roster

Member of the Advertisement Free News and Information Association (AFNIA)

September 20, 2004

Ionians Sign Tesla

It was only a matter of time before the Tesla Cult invaded the cosmic fields. There is an active Tesla internet Link to Tesla informationpresence.

In addition to his electrical engineering work we are led to believe that Nikola Tesla's obsessive-compulsiveness was sparked by the childhood trauma of a sibling's death. He was obsessed with the number three and he had a fear of pearl earrings. He never married, he never had children, and he died broke in a New York hotel. A play about the eccentric inventor premiered in November, 2001 and is still being performed.

On March 20, 1900 the US Patent Office issued Patent No. 645,576 to Tesla. Euphemistically referred to as the radio patent the patent's formal title is "System of Transmission of Electrical Energy." Tesla's patent was revoked in 1904, when the U.S. Patent Office reversed its previous decisions and gave Guillermo Marconi a patent for the invention of radio. This decision was again reversed in 1943 and Tesla received the radio patent again, a few months after his death. Much can be learned about the intersection of politics and capitalism in this patent play which features Tesla, along with Marconi, Thomas Edison and the new breed of businessmen of the industrial revolution, George Westinghouse, J.P. Morgan, Andrew Carnegie and others, as key players.

Tesla will fill the roster spot currently occupied by Zeno, the pre-Socratic philosopher and utility infielder for the Alphatown Ionians who is retiring after the 2004 season.

September 6, 2004

Hurricanes Beat Swift Boaters

Tropical cyclones of the 1990s beat the Swift Boaters in a ten inning thriller that ended on an error. The Swift Boaters are a team made up of members and associates of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, an advocacy group advocating the defeat of John Forbes Kerry in the upcoming American presidential elections. The Hurricanes are a team associated with a Cosmic Baseball Association legacy team, the Tropicland Hurricanes.

Game Report
Link to the Game Report

September 5, 2004

Warriors & Capitalists Surge

Is it coincidence or something more divine? How to explain the fact that the two teams leading the standings in the Cosmic Baseball Association are related to war and money? The
Wonderland Warriors are the frontrunners in the Upperleague while the Heartland Capitalists lead the Lowerleague. With less than a month to the end of the regular playing season it looks unlikely that anyone will catch these league leaders.

September 1, 2004

Baseball: Republican or Democrat?

Basaeball has been used to reflect a variety of images of the American ethos. The game has been said to reflect the moral ideals that our citizens cherish. Another view, more cynical in nature, sees baseball as a mask disguising the sins of greed and self-interest. So where does the real game reside? Somewhere in between the extremes of the moral ideal and the crassly cynical or somewhere completely over the rainbow?

Is baseball a Democrat, committed and devoted to the collective and the commonwealth or is it a Republican that extols private initiative as the source of national success?


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Archived: September 30, 2004