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Archived: August 31, 2004
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Effective December 31, 2003 the online store known as Cosmic Baseball Collectibles will cease processing orders for customers. While there may still be some "active links" to CBC Store webpages, it will not be possible to process new customer requests. We believe all current customer orders to have been completed. If you are an existing customer and have a customer service need please send an email to:
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Season 2004 Begins March 15
Link to Season 2004 Main Plate
Do the Presidents Want Kerry?
August 9, 2004
Link to Washington Presidents Index
If the Washington Presidents want a pitcher, then John Kerry may not be the man for the job. This observation is based on Kerry's audition for the team prior to a game at Fenway Park on Sunday, July 25. Kerry threw a pitch to Spec. Will Pumyea, 23, a military police officer in the Massachusetts National Guard from Woburn, who had just returned from Iraq and who also had previously served in Afghanistan. But Kerry's pitch to the plate fell short.

Top management people in the Presidents' front office have been whispering that Chester Arthur or James Polk might be deactivated after the 2004 season. (Both Arthur and Polk are having miserable seasons; but so is Abraham Lincoln and no one whispers about deactivating him.) Others around the club believe the team needs fresh blood at shortstop. John Tyler has fielded poorly this season and his poor batting average (it is consistently below .225) hasn't helped things out. Backup shortstop James Buchanan isn't providing much at the plate either.

Could Kerry come to the team as a shortstop? The problem is that there isn't much of an historical record indicating which position best suits the 2004 Democratic Presidential Candidate. At 6'4" he should be a pitcher. While taller shortstops became the vogue with Cal Ripken, Kerry might just be too tall for the position. However, what the Presidents do not need is a no arm pitcher.

Political election prognosticators may want to balance their polls with this information. What are the chances of John Kerry getting elected if there isn't a clear place for him on the Presidents' roster? Baseball scouts, real and imagined, will tell Presidential Special Plateyou, there is something called karma that comes into play when you evaluate the potential success of a rookie in a baseball league. The Presidents aren't doing well on the cosmic baseball field this year, despite having won 117 games last season and the Cosmic Universal Series. Why the dramatic downturn? Pitching woes, most pundits observe. Bill Clinton was the last rookie pitcher drafted by the team. Is it time for a new pitcher? And is John Kerry, junior senator from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, qualified for the position? His audition at venerable Fenway Park in July creates doubt.

On the other hand, Senator Kerry's flabbergasting knowledge of reality baseball may mitigate his physical shortcomings. The Boston baseball writer Peter Gammons has floated a questionable rumor that has Kerry telling radio sports talk show host Eddie Andelman that Johnny Yost was Kerry's favorite Red Sox player. Yost, who mostly played for the defunct Washington Senators never played, (he coached) for the Red Sox. But some have speculated that Gammons, who was an adolescent sports rival of Kerry's, might be launching a personal and ad hominem attack on the Senator.

If John Kerry makes it on to the Presidents' roster, it will be because the team needs some fresh blood to help pull it out of the Upperleague's basement.

MLB All Star Game Break
July 12, 2004
Link to MLB Website
Tuesday's Major League Baseball All Star game (No. 75) in Houston will be played in Minute Maid Park, formerly known as Enron Stadium. Roger Clemens will be the National League starter. Clemens' first All Star game was in 1986 (No. 57), the last time the All Star Game was played in Houston (at the AstroDome). Back then, Clemens was pitching for the American League and he pitched three perfect innings...Clemens teaming up with Piazza ought to resonate with meaning...The Houston Astros hired a consulting firm that reported the game will infuse the Houston economy with $48 million. Sales tax revenue will be about $1.5 million. (Source). This part of downtown Houston has been revitalized, the Super Bowl and now the All Star Game have made this year a good one for restaurants like Mia Bella, Cava bistro, St. Pete's Dancing Marlin. But Mike Roberson owner of Cabo the Original Mix-Mex Grill wonders if after the games are gone will business be as robust. When the visitors leave, "it'll just be us," he told a Houston Chronicle reporter...The Cosmic Baseball Association dispensed with its version of an All Star game years ago. The cosmic team with the best overall record gets the home field advantage during the Cosmic Universal Series. There's no need to rely on players not on your team to secure that advantage. All Star games are about personal, not team achievement, ask Ted Williams. Well, you can't ask Ted, at least not at the moment. Maybe in a million years, you can. Speaking of moments, the 1999 All Star Game (N0. 70) in Boston's Fenway Park when Ted showed up for his last visit, well, that was the best All Star moment in many years.

Cosmic Game: Beats Beat Virgins, 6-1
June 14, 2004
Philip Whalen- Link to Game Report
The boys of the Beat Generation have a reputation for not being very considerate of their women folk. Literary history intruded on the cosmic baseball field during this game as the Dharma Beats pretty well disrespected the Vestal Virgins. In a game that saw Virgin secondbasewoman Hilary Clinton commit three errors (leading to three unearned runs), the Beats had a field day. Beat starter David Kammerer pitched eight strong innings, giving up one run and serving up ten strikeouts. Virgin pitcher Sylvia Plath didn't make it through four innings as she continues to struggle to get on track this season. Philip Whalen shined at the plate going 4 for 5 with two doubles and three runs batted in.

Link to Game Report

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Archived: August 31, 2004