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July, 1996 Archive

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July 14, 1996


Almost 20 games past midseason and the competition contours are becoming clearer. In the Overleague the Presidents (61 wins, 39 losses) are the odds on favorites to win the pennant. The Pisces (56-44) are not out of reach but they'll need to make a move soon. Will the distraction of the political conventions be a problem for the Presidents? Maybe, maybe not. At the moment there is a three team battle for third place as the Beats, Ionians, and Virgins thrash it out. Beat pitching is improving and may proove to be more durable down the stretch. The Warriors, safely tucked in the cellar will continue their retreat to places more subterranean as their pitching staff completely disintegrates.

Overleague batting is dominated by the Presidents who have a league leading 124 homeruns. William Taft (24 homeruns), Calvin Coolidge (22) and Franklin Roosevelt (21) are in the midst of some kind of awesome slugging zone. Louis Farrakhan (.328) of the Pisces leads the batting average derby, and Beat poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti (.302) leads his team in batting average and homeruns (27). Virgin rookie Jackie Onassis (.286, 10 homeruns) is a standout for her team, and General Omar Bradley (.253, 20 homeruns) is doing well at the plate for the Warriors. The following players have turned in lackluster plate performances so far: PISCES: Allen Ginsberg (.213), Phillip Whalen (.216); IONIANS: Madame Kovalaskaya (.189), Konrad Zuse (.202); BEATS: Jack Kerouac (.211), Ann Charters (.214); VIRGINS: Jessica Lange (.222); PRESIDENTS: Theodore roosevelt (.215), John Adams (.206); WARRIORS: John Meadows (.160), Oliver North (.204), George Meade (.225).

Overleague pitching overall is stronger then Overleague batting. That's usually the way it is. John Kennedy (12 wins, 2 losses; 2.96 earned run average) is the best overall pitcher this season, so far. The Presidents are also getting a good performance from Abraham Lincoln (10-3, 3.18). Carolyn and Neal Cassady are a combined 21-15 and both have ERAs under 3. Carolyn leads the league with 99 strikeouts. Virgin Rookie Sylvia Plath ( 2.49) leads the league in ERA for pitchers with more than 100 innings pitched. Pitchers heading north with their ERAs include Soren Kierkegaard (Ionians, 5.13), James Polk (Presidents, 4.90), William Calley (Warriors, 5.11). Timothy Leary (5-9, 4.96) of the Pisces has pitched and won two complete games since his death, so maybe he's beginning to turn things around. Save masters include Dina Damico (18 saves for the Virgins), Joanne Perlis (14 saves for the Pisces), and Ken Kesey (13 saves for the Beats).

July 13, 1996

COSMIC GAME: Pisces (2) at Ionians (1)

Leary Pitches a 3-Hitter

Timothy Leary has been a better cosmic baseball pitcher since he passed away. This game, the second he has started since his death, may well be his best ever. A masterful 1-run 3-hit gem that completely shut down the peripatetic Ionians, who are having trouble playing .500 baseball this season. Ionian pitching isn't the problem. Rene Descartes, has got to be thinking, "I pitch well, therefore I should win, but I don't win, and I doubt if I ever will win when my team cannot squarely hit a small round object with a round bat". Descartes gave up only two runs on five hits and still came up short. That's what this game was about...good, solid, smart pitching, shutting down the hitters. The Pisces are getting ready to make a run on the Presidents but unless their batters start hitting something other then air, the Presidents are going to walk away with the Overleaue penant. Game Details

July 7, 1996


From now until September 21, 1996, members of the CBA can vote and send in comments on CBA's use of the Designated Hitter in cosmic games. CBA has used the DH since 1981 but a growing group of members think it's time to get rid of the rule. Purists have always detested it. It is possible that as Major League Baseball sputters through its spasms more and more casual fans have lost interest leaving the purists in a position of considerable power to influence game policy. However, on the MLB plane it is doubtful that the DH rule will be repealed. But CBA does have a chance to modify its own rules. For more information on the membership referendum process visit the Designated Hitter Referendum Plate.

July 1, 1996


Jeremy "Mike" Boorda, Drew Major, and Nicola Sacco have been added to the CBA Tyro Pool. The Pool is used as a breeding ground for CBA rookies. Admiral Boorda, who recently committed suicide, had been playing in the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea League and the Wonderland Warriors have their eyes on him. Drew Major is the man most people say is most responsible for the local area network operating system known as NetWare. Major was scouted while playing for the Provo Novellas. Nicola Sacco represents one half of the infamous Sacco & Vanzetti team of anarchist scapegoats. The two were exterminated earlier in the 20th century, ostensibly for murdering a shoe factory pay master in South Braintree, Massachusetts. Many people saw the pair as scapegoats for a culture gripped by paranoia. Sacco got started playing in the Massachusetts Political Prisoner League. Remember, CBA members are welcome to send in Tyro Pool nominations.

July 1, 1996

COSMIC GAME: Presidents (4) at Warriors (9)

The best in the Overleague against the worst and guess what? The worst got the best of the best. The league leading Presidents (46-34) simply collapsed in front of the Warriors who are 14 games behind the chief executives. The Warriors laid it on thick scoring 2 runs in the first, 2 runs in the second, 1 run in both the third and fourth and 3 runs in the fifth. The visiting Presidents sent four players home and whacked 11 hits. But the offensive onslaught of the Warriors (15 hits), pumped-up by a pumped-up crowd, left the men from Washington dazed and confused. Two Presidential errors generated four unearned runs and starter Ronald Reagan was relieved by James Polk who pitched three scoreless innings. Well, it is unlikely that this is an omen of things to come. The Warriors are not going to catch the Presidents and the Presidents are not nose-diving. Strong pitching, strong offense, and solid defense will carry the Presidents across the finish line. The Warriors, well, this was an exciting game for them and their war-mongering fans. But weak overall pitching, poor offense and lousy fielding will generally keep your feet glued to the cellar floor. The Game Details have been published.

July 1, 1996


Note: From time to time CBA will offer reviews of interesting baseball sites discovered on the net. The rating system used is similar to batting averages. Sites rating over .250 are above average, a .300 rating inidicates, in our opinion, an exceptional site. If ever we bump into a .400 site, well it could only be the best of the best. Sites including the LINKS reference indicates that the reviewed site contains additional links. However, those links may not have been reviewed or visited. All sites reviewed here have been accessed within the last 24 hours.

Instant Baseball
[.288] [LINKS] [Major League Baseball]
A no-fee site that provides "virtual-realtime" access to Major League baseball information including "up-to-the-pitch" game situations, current standings, and current statistics. Not graphically interesting, but the access to current data is very useful for Major League Baseball fans.

I Coach Wendy's
[.269] [LINKS] [Little League Baseball]
This is a nice site about a charming film written and directed by Ted Mondell. The 59-minute film can be ordered from the site. The film tells the tale of a South Bend, Indiana little league team from the beginning to the end of a season. The site includes several links to QuickTime movies.

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CBA News & Information Archive
Updated: July 14, 1996
Archived: August 1, 1996
Revised: August 1, 1997
Copyright © 1996 by the Cosmic Baseball Association