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June 1999 Archive

June 28, 1999
William Allingham- 1999 Cosmic Manager Plate

WILLIAM ALLINGHAM, poet and diary-keeper, was associated with a number of writers, poets and artists during the middle and latter part of the 19th Century. His published poetry consists of 6 volumes. However, critics have not been particularly kind to Allingham when it comes to his poetic output. Lionel Stevenson in his survey The Pre-Raphaelite Poets comments that "Allingham's talent was slender." Another critic, John Julius Norwich, writes that Allingham's poetry "seems to me to come about halfway up the second league." To the extent that casual poetry readers are familiar with Allingham, most are familiar with his poem "The Faeries."

Allingham was drafted by the Eden Bohemians out of the Irish Literary League in 1983 and spent two seasons as the team's primary middle-reliever. For the 1985 cosmic season he joined the starting rotation. He had his best season in 1986 when he compiled a 15-9 won-loss record and posted a squad best 2.85 earned run average earning his team's Most Cosmic Player award for that season. He was deactivated after the 1987 cosmic season.

When the Pre-Raphaelite Baseball Club joined the Cosmic Baseball Association in 1997 they tapped Allingham to be their field manager. He has compiled a very decent 180-144 won-loss record in the two seasons the team has played in the Cosmic Underleague.

Click Here for William Allingham's 1999 Cosmic Manager Plate

June 8, 1999
Dragon Noah Lampert and Virgin Hillary Clinton Meet in Washington, D.C.

Delta Dragon rookie secondbaseman Noah Reuven Lampert and veteran Vestal Virgin secondbasewoman Hillary Rodham Clinton met on the stage of Constitution Hall in Washington, D.C. recently. It was during an off day and the two cosmic baseball infielders participated in a local high school graduation ceremony. Clinton was the honored guest speaker and Lampert, a tenth grader, was on stage playing his tenor saxophone as part of the high school's jazz band. Observers report that Lampert listened keenly to Clinton's inspiring speech to the graduating seniors and Clinton applauded appreciatively when the young musician completed his solo during the band's rendition of Sandoval's "Funky Cha Cha." Apparently Clinton knows something about listening to tenor saxophonists.

The two keystone base guardians are having decent seasons although their respective teams have been struggling during the first half of the cosmic season. It is nice to know that cosmic baseball players are actively involved in their communities.

June 7, 1999
Virgin Manager Sappho Will Call it Quits After '99 Season

Ancient Greek poetess and Vestal Virgins field manager, Sappho of Lesbos, has announced that she will quit her job at the end of the 1999 cosmic playing season.

Sappho became the Virgins manager in 1996 after five cosmic seasons playing second-string catcher for the team. Her best season offensively was 1994 when she batted .262 and had 19 homeruns. (Click Here for Sappho's official cosmic batting record.) Her composite three year record as field manager is a mediocre 234 wins and 252 losses. This season the Virgins are playing sub-par baseball (see current standings). Team morale is down in the dumps and according to insiders the clubhouse is fractious and tense. A shouting match between Sappho and starting pitcher Sylvia Plath apparently erupted the other day after the Virgins lost to the Presidents.

Sappho notified team owner Xanthippe of her decision on Friday. Hannah Arendt, the Virgin's G.M. said a search is already on for next season's manager. There's little to no chance that coach Marge Schott will get the call. Some insiders have begun floating Anne Sexton's name. Sexton pitched two seasons (1996 and 1997) for the Virgins and she is considered a very smart baseball person who can manage talented but difficult pitchers.

June 5, 1999
Mel Torme, Former Dragon Pitcher, Passes On

The man they called the "Velvet Fog" died today in a Los Angeles hospital from complications related to a stroke . Melvin Torme was 73. The great jazz singer Ethel Waters said that Torme was "the only white man who sings with the soul of a black man."

Torme was born September 13, 1925 in Chicago, Illinois. His parents were Russian Jews. His mother claims Melvin sang his first complete song at the age of ten months. At fifteen he wrote the song "Lament for Love" for Harry James. Torme wrote more than 300 songs in his successful singing career. In 1947 he was a teenage bobby-soxer favorite. Between 1951 and 1953 he had his own television show on the CBS network.

Torme was married four times and had five children.

Torme joined the Cosmic Baseball Association in 1986 as a relief pitcher with the Delta Dragons. After two average years working out of the bullpen he was deactivated.

Mel Torme Related Links

June 4, 1999
Current Cosmic Batting Leaders

Eight rookies are on the batting average and homerun leaders lists as of the first 62 games of the 1999 cosmic season. Popular contemporary writer and Cisco Giants secondbaseman Douglas Adams leads all cosmic batters with a .363 batting average. Rookie Sweepland Curves shortstop, the Witch of Agnesi appears on both lists: she hits hard and often.

It's interesting to see Bhutan Vanguard Andy Warhol on the list. Many fans thought he was dead at the plate and maybe washed up as a cosmic player but his .342 batting average suggests otherwise. And the good American General Omar Bradley, the "soldier's soldier" and veteran Wonderland Warrior seems to be making a comeback with his awesome homerun totals, number two behind Washington President perennial slugger William Taft.

June 1, 1999
Personal Cosmic Game Report: ALICES @ DOROTHYS

Characters from two of the most popular children's fairy tales meet in a cosmic baseball game. While we initially thought this game had the potential to go extra innings the fact is the tale was completed in the regulation nine innings.

Lewis Carroll's Alice In wonderland (1865) and L. Frank Baum's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (1900) both began as oral tales told to children. Both are parables of self-discovery and both feature young girls who meet and confront a variety of strange characters.

Adults have spent years and much time and ink discerning the meanings (hidden and otherwise) of these timeless stories. A number of sophisticated, complicated explanations of the stories are available for the curious. But children, without the benefit of such "between-the-lines" analyses, continue nevertheless to absorb the tales with great delight.

In connection with the publication of this Personal Cosmic Game report the Cosmic Baseball Association is initiating Project Ozmosis. Project Ozmosis is designed to solicit from the children themselves their views, opinions and commentaries on these two spectacular stories. As adults, we might now learn more about our children and ourselves if we tune into the thoughts of babes. It might, afterall, invigorate our adulterated imaginations as these tales inspire the fantastic imaginations of our children.

Click Here to See the Alices @ Dorothys Personal Cosmic Game Report

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CBA News & Information Plate: June 1999 Archive
Archived: July 1, 1999
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