Archived News & Information Archived February 28, 2002

Archived News Items

February 24, 2002
Cosmic Baseball Game
Matters of Invention Personal Cosmic Baseball Game
Link to Matters of Invention Cosmic Game Report
This was a Personal Cosmic Baseball Game played between inventions of the past and future inventions. Orgasmatron, a Future Invention, pitched one ecstatic game: A two-hit, complete game shutout of Past Inventions. It is no wonder that inventions that address the sexual disarray of the culture are forthcoming. Also forthcoming will be the social problems associated with "virtual reality" addiction. A techno-psychosis so severe and pervasive that the afflicted populations will be completely exposed and defenseless in the face of threats such as programmed insect-size nanobot warrior/terrorists. After the game, Orgasmatron simply said, "NecessitÓ Ŕ madre dell'invenzione." The game's Most Cosmic Player (MCP) leaves little doubt as to where its loyalties and sympathies reside.

But for the superb mound job of the Orgasmatron, Dream Link Technology would have been given the MCP award. With two runs scored and three runs batted in this intriguing invention of the future bears careful watching.

Not much can be said about the Past Inventions. Only the Escalator and Sonar managed to get hits. Sonar continues to be the best hitting pitcher in the Matters of Invention League. The Past Invention fielders did turn over two double plays. However, good fielding never replaces bad batting.

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February 21, 2002
Cosmic Baseball Players
Maura Tierney Season 2002 Cosmic Player Plate
Link to Maura Tierney Cosmic Player Plate
Maura Tierney is a rookie outfielder with the Telecity Superbas, the Cosmic Baseball Association's team of show business personalities from television. Tierney, born in Boston, has appeared in a variety of television shows including Family Ties, The Van Dyke Show, News Radio and ER. She has also been in several movies, some very good ones such as Liar, Liar and Forces of Nature. She is currently starring in the film, Scotland, PA which was written and directed by her husband, former teen actor, Billy Morrissette.

In our view, Ms. Tierney is one of the most talented and beautiful actresses on the scene today. As for her skills as a cosmic baseball player....that remains to be seen.

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February 18, 2002
Cosmic Baseball Statistics
Season 2002 Cosmic Player Fields
Link to 2002 Player Fields Table
As of yesterday there were 579 cosmic baseball players on the official rosters for Cosmic Season 2002. The categories of "Literature" and "Politics" have the most players (74) followed by "Art" (62), "Music" (60) and "Show Business" (59). There are 127 women cosmic baseball players (a 2% increase over last season) and 109 rookies (rookie figure includes new players on three new cosmic teams.) There are more players in the "Philosophy" (19) category than in the "Science" (10) category for the first time since Season 1998.

For Season 2002 there will be 24 teams divided into three leagues. Each team will play 162 games against other teams in their league. The Cosmic Baseball Association does not use the Designated Hitter in its games.

February 14, 2002
Cosmic Baseball Game
Virgins Win Valentine's Day Game
Link to Valentine's Day Game Report
The Vestal Virgins, representing the Cosmic Overleague, defeated the Bolex Poetics of the Cosmic Middleleague, 7-6, in the Annual Valentine's Day Pre-Season Cosmic Baseball Game. While sloppy fielding is not uncommon in early pre-season games, the Poetics took sloppiness to a new level by committing 11 fielding errors. Of the seven Virgin runs, only four were earned. Rookie Virgin Annie De Franco started at thirdbase and went one for four. Poetics rightfielder Hollis Frampton smacked two homeruns and collected four RBIs. Hampton also committed four errors in rightfield. Virgin starter Sylvia Plath pitched 8 strong innings, but got no decision. The Poetics used five pitchers.

Historically the annual Valentine's Game is imbued with mirth and frivolity. This year's ritual lacked some of the good humor of past games. A seriousness seemed to hang over the game and some bitterness actually leaked out when Poetics thirdbaseman Dziga Vertov had an angry exchange of words with Virgin centerfielder Helena Blavatsky. Chief Guest Umpire, George Bataille had to get between the two cosmic baseball players to settle things down. Come on folks, where's the love?

February 11, 2002
Cosmic Baseball Team
New Cosmic Team Created- The ZEL CITY RAPUNZELOIDS
Link to 2002 Rapunzeloid Roster
The Cosmic Baseball Association has created another new cosmic baseball team for Season 2002: The Zel City Rapunzeloids. The Rapunzeloids were inspired by the children's fairy tale "Rapunzel" which tells the story of a young girl trapped in a tower by an control-freaking witch who is her stepmother. According to the Aarne-Thompson Folktale Classification System, "Rapunzel" is a Type 310 Magic Tale. As such it is akin to the many variations of the "Maiden in the Tower" tale.

The actual Rapunzeloid players were developed and created inside the laboratories of the Cosmic Baseball Research Alliance (COBRA).

The RAPUNZELOIDS will compete in the Cosmic Underleague.

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February 10, 2002
Website Operations
NTT/Verio Shuts Down WWW.CLARK.NET Domain
Link to Home Page
As previously reported, Internet Service Provider NTT/Verio, owner/maintainer of the domain has shut down that domain making the pages and files stored on servers unavailable. This situation is permanent. All URL/Links pointing to will receive a "file not found error." In anticipation of the shutdown, all Cosmic Baseball Association pages and files stored at have been relocated to the domain.

The Cosmic Baseball Association first contracted with ClarkNet Internet Services in 1994. In 1998 the Verio Corporation bought ClarkNet and changed the rules of the game by jacking up the price of storage space. Thereafter the website became dispersed over several "free" hosting services such as the now-defunct and Geocities. In April 2001 website operations were consolidated on a shared UNIX hosting server owned and maintained by NTT/Verio under the domain

February 4, 2002
Cosmic Baseball Team
New Cosmic Team Created- The MERRYLAND TRICKSTERS
Link to 2002 Tricksters Roster
The Cosmic Baseball Association has a new cosmic baseball team for Season 2002: The Merryland Tricksters. The team represents mythological, historical and personal "trickster" personalities and was created on December 25, 2001 as part of a Personal Cosmic Game contest between Tricksters and Angels.

The team is managed by Harry Houdini, the notable illusionist trickster and owned by Doctor Sax, the famous trickster invented by Beat Generation writer Jack Kerouac.

The TRICKSTERS will compete in the Cosmic Underleague.

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February 1, 2002
Cosmic Baseball Game
Annual Valentine's Day Pre-Season Cosmic Game- Teams Announced
Game will be played on February 14, 2002 in Virginia
The Annual Valentine's Day Pre-Season Cosmic Game will be played between the Vestal Virgins and the Bolex Poetics. The Virgins, staffed by interesting women, compete in the Cosmic Overleague. The Poetics, a team of interesting experimental filmmakers, are registered in the Cosmic Middleleague. There should be plenty of love to go around as Lila Brik, Isadora Duncan, June Miller and Frances Farmer compete against the likes of Stan Brakhage, Bruce Baillie, Kenneth Anger and Maya Deren.

The Annual Valentine's Day Pre-Season Cosmic Game teams are selected by the Valentine's Day Game Committee. The selection criteria used is never revealed by the committee. The game is preceded by music and the reading of poetry. The artists and works selected are also under the direction of the committee.

Tickets to the game can be ordered by sending an email requesting the number of tickets desired to Each ticket allows 2 lovers or close friends through the gate. Tickets cost US$3 each.

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Archived: February 28, 2002
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