February 18, 2000
Intrasite Search Utility Available

The Cosmic Baseball Association's website can now be searched using an intranet search utility which maintains an index of webpage content. This search utility is provided by whatUseek intrasearch. It is a free service. However, the search results pages will include banner advertising that is not under the direct control of the Cosmic Baseball Association. According to the FAQ published by whatUseek there will never be advertising from websites that contain adult or suggestive material (sex), or from sites that are alcohol, tobacco or gambling related. It is also possible to search other websites from the main search form.

February 15, 2000
Cosmic Player Update: SHARON LOPATKA

Vestal Virgin Sharon Lopatka who was tragically strangled to death in 1996 was recently in the news. On January 27, Robert Glass, the man accused of killing her pleaded guilty to voluntary manslaughter after the prosecutor, North Carolina Assistant District Attorney Andrew Jennings, dropped the first-degree murder charge.

On October 13, 1996 Lopatka traveled by train from her home in Maryland to meet Glass in North Carolina after exchanging a series of emails in which they expressed their sexual fantasies. Lopatka, according to these emails expressed a desire to die while having sex. Lopatka, a 35 year-old wife and mother living in suburban Baltimore had left a note for her family saying she was "not returning."

Glass told the prosecutors that Lopatka "accidentally" died on October 15 while the two were having sex. According to prosecutor Jennings, Glass later explained that Lopatka had looped a nylon cord around her neck. "I don't know how much I pulled on the rope...I never wanted to kill her, but she ended up dead," Jennings quoted Glass. According to the coroner Lopatka's death was the result of strangulation. Lopatka and Glass engaged in a form of sexual experimentation known as "breath control." Knowledgeable sources explain that "breath control" during sex deprives the brain of oxygen and this causes a heightened orgasm. After Lopatka's death Glass buried her in a shallow grave near his trailer in Lenoir, North Carolina. She was discovered by the police ten days later.

Glass' plea agreement was also connected to additional charges of second-degree sexual exploitation of a minor. Apparently authorities had found images on Glass' computer that depicted children having sex.

While the family of Lopatka approved of the plea agreement a statement by her relatives declared that Glass "took advantage of [Lopatka's] situation. He could have walked away. He debased not only her but her body after she was dead."

Caldwell County (NC) Superior Court Judge Claude Sitton sentenced Glass to prison for 36-53 months for the manslaughter of Lopatka and 21-36 months for possession of the juvenile pornography.

Lopatka joined the Cosmic Baseball Association in 1997 as a catcher for the Vestal Virgins.

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February 14, 2000
Future Cosmic Player Camdessus Gets Caked

That is not a festering vesicle nor is it a deformed Valentine heart on the left cheek of Michel Camdessus. It is the remnants of a cake thrown by Robert Naiman. Camdessus, who departs today after thirteen years as managing director of the International Monetary Fund, was selected in the Cosmic Baseball Association's Winter Rookie Draft on January 26. On Sunday he was in Bangkok, Thailand preparing to give his last speech as head of the IMF to the United Nations' Conference on Trade & Development.

According to media reports Camdessus was talking to delegates in the main conference hall before his speech when Naiman snuck up beside him and threw a pie with a shout of ``Happy Birthday!'' It is not clear if it was the 66 year-old Mr. Camdessus' birthday or not. However the real reason for the cake throwing was political. Mr. Naiman believes the IMF is part of a global economic system that favors the rich over the poor.

Camdessus will likely become a member of the Heartland Capitalists next season (2001). He is currently enrolled in the CBA's Instructional Development League with the other selected rookies.

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February 11, 2000
Board of Directors Winter Meetings

The Cosmic Baseball Association's Board of Directors met in Pismo Beach, California on February 11. Included on the agenda was a motion to form an exploratory committee to research income-producing projects the Association could undertake. Using the CBA's website to generate income is a controversial and recurring issue. The Board passed the motion and a committee will be formed within thirty days. Some regard the Board's action as one of placation. Keep a committee busy researching the issue and keep putting off any substantive action. It's a divisive issue within the Association. The Board also authorized the cancellation of the Association's relationship with the Fast_Counter service. Ever since Microsoft took over the free service performance and accuracy have declined.

In other actions the Board

The next meeting of the Board will occur on July 20 in Damriscotta, Maine.

February 2, 2000
Personal Cosmic Game Report- WARHOLOCKS @ SEDWICCAS

A cosmic baseball game was played between men and women associated with the Pop artist and filmmaker Andy Warhol. The Warholocks represent the men in and around the Warhol entourage. Some served as actors in the films, others served as assistants and friends, others just served. The Sedgwiccas are the women in the Warhol environment. Most of the women in Warhol's orbit during the 1960s found their way, one way or another, into the films. The Sedgwiccas are named for Edie Sedgwick, one of Warhol's tragic superstars. Click here for the game report.

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February 1, 2000
Season 2000 Cosmic Player Fields

Field Players
Politics 71
Literature 62
Mathematics 39
Art 39
Science 32
Music 26
Film 25
Transportation 22
Motherhood 20
Television 20
Business 19
Circus 19
Military 19
Religion 18
Philosophy 11
Crime 3
Dance 2
Law 2
Sports 2
Theater 2
Architecture 1
Aviation 1
History 1
Misc. 1
Personal 1
Photography 1
Total Players 459
There are currently 459 cosmic players enrolled on rosters for Season 2000. For the second year in a row the field of politics leads all fields in representation on the rosters with 71 players from that field. The field of literature retains its second place position with a modest increase from 58 players in 1999 to 62 players this season. The fields of art, music and the military have sustained modest decreases in player representations. The new fields of mathematics and transportation have made the most substantial gains.

The battle between the fields of philosophy and science is just about over. Science seems to have won the contest gaining nine new players on the rosters while philosophy lost ten players. The struggle between science and philosophy has for some time been waged on the Alphatown Ionians roster which was originally a team of philosophers only. There are now nine scientists playing for the Ionians. Rumors are aloft that indicate at the end of the 2000 season the Ionians will release all the scientist players and restore the team to a more pure squad of philosophers.


  • Total Cosmic Players- 459

  • Total Female Cosmic Players- 100

  • Total Cosmic Rookies- 29

  • Total Living Cosmic Players- 148

  • Total Object Players- 62

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CBA News & Information Plate- February 2000 Archive
URL http://www.cosmicbaseball.com/0200news.html
Archived: March 1, 2000
Copyright © 2000 by the Cosmic Baseball Association

Email: editor@cosmicbaseball.com