Archived News & Information January, 2001
Archived: January 31, 2001

January 2001 News Items

CBA Averts Pulled Plug

Marislysis Gonzales Quits Virgins

Washington Presidents Historical Roster

Gregory Corso Dies

John Lennon Interview

The Bushes of Baseball

Royal Family @ Manson Family

Newspapers @ Television

Fats Domnio Cosmic Player Plate

Happy New Year!

News Index
News Archive
January 25, 2001

Cosmic Baseball Association Averts Pulled Plug

With five hours to spare the Cosmic Baseball Association averted having the plug pulled by the Internet Service Provider (ISP) that stores the main plates of the CBA 's website. Our yearly bill was past due and the ISP gave the CBA until 5:30 PM EST on Wednesday January 24th to make payment-in-full arrangements. If no such arrangements could be made then the CBA's website account would be suspended

[It would take another couple of months before the files that make up the website are actually deleted on the ISP's servers (computers). Even so, no actual loss of data was ever contemplated because the entire content of the website is backed up with remarkable frequency. The problem would have been access to the website. Both public and administrative access would be blocked.]

It was simply great fortune that befell the Cosmic Baseball Association when a Citizen of Serendip appeared magically at the last moment and helped the CBA avoid an unfortunate problem. This good Citizen, who wishes to remain anonymous, did not technically make a charitable contribution, although charity must surely have been in the Citizen's heart. Rather, a business deal between the Citizen and the CBA was agreed to. The deal essentially involved the selling of design services by the CBA to the Citizen for the exact dollar amount owed by the CBA to the ISP.

Further good fortune followed when a provision of the business arrangement between the Citizen and the CBA stipulated that payment to the CBA for services rendered by the CBA would be made immediately by the Citizen before any services by the CBA are rendered. In other words, the Citizen agreed to pay the CBA for the work up-front and on good faith. This most positive turn of events allowed an immediate series of transactions to be made (with much help from a financial services intermediary and some good old post-modern technology.) A payment was received and a payment was made and the bottom line of this tale of fiduciary recklessness is that the lights are still burning on the cosmic baseball fields this evening.

January 22, 2001
Cosmic Baseball Players

Marislysis Gonzales Quits Vestal Virgins

Citing physical and mental exhaustion as reasons, Vestal Virgin rookie firstbasewoman Marislysis Gonzales has asked to be removed from the team's 2001 roster. The request comes about before Gonzales has had a chance to play one game for the team that acquired her during the 2000 Summer Rookie Draft. Virgin Field Manager Anne Sexton expressed disappointment in the loss of her firstbasewoman but agreed it was probably the best thing to do for Marislysis. "She's been moody and depressed," Sexton said.

Gonzales appeared on the national radar screens during the "Elian Gonzales" crisis. She is the young Cuban boy's cousin and the two of them were relentlessly photographed together. Marislysis was a standout player in the League of Little Havana Teenagers before becoming a star player with the Anti-Castros in the Cubano-Cabaņa League. She holds the single season record for fewest fielding errors, zero, in the CCL.

The Virgins have not announced a replacement player but it is known that they are looking at three prospects currently dwelling in the Symbionese Liberation Army League: Camilla Hall, Nancy Ling Perry and Myrna Lee Opsahl. Hall and Perry died May 17, 1974 during the shootout with the Los Angeles Police Department at the SLA's home on East 54th street in South Central L.A. Opsahl, who was not in any way related to the political group, was shot and killed on April 21, 1975 during the SLA's robbery of a Crocker Bank branch on Marconi Avenue in Carmichael, California.

January 20, 2001
Cosmic Team Rosters

Washington Presidents Historical Roster

In honor of Presidential Inauguration Day in the United States the Cosmic Baseball Association has published online an Historic Roster of the Washington Presidents, a cosmic baseball team playing in the Overleague.

The Presidents began playing cosmic baseball in 1982. In 1996 the team paid their only visit to the Cosmic Universal Series and lost the series in seven games to the Pranktown Busriders. The Historic Roster includes images of all 43 United States Presidents and links to Official Team Rosters since 1996.

January 18, 2001
Cosmic Baseball Players

Beat Poet Gregory Corso Dies

Beat poet Gregory Corso died yesterday (1/17) at the age of 70 from prostate cancer at his daughter's home in Minnesota. Born in New York's Greenwich Village, he was the author or co-author of more than 20 collections of poetry and other works. He was a colleague and friend of Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg who discovered Corso in the 1950s. Corso's first poems were published in 1955. Among his collections of poems are Gasoline, Elegiac Feelings American and Mindfield. His poem "Marriage" is beautiful.

Corso joined the Cosmic Baseball Association in 1983 as an original infielder for the Dharma Beats. Corso's corporeal demise will have no bearing on his ability to play cosmic baseball. He is an active member of the Beats 2001 Roster.

The Cosmic Baseball Association would like to extend our condolences to the family and friends of Gregory Corso.

Is Beat Dead?

Jack Kerouac was obsessed with death. The early death of his older brother Gerard had, not surprisingly, a major impact on the four year old Jack.

And death hangs about the Beat Generation from its very birth. David Kammerer's murder on August 14, 1944 was just the start of the wave. Joan Burroughs' accidental death on September 6, 1951 is a notorious aspect of Beat history. Elise Cowen's suicide on February 1, 1952 and Natalie Jackson's apparent suicide on November 30, 1955 made it seem that association with the Beats could be life-threatening, especially for women. Neal Cassady's death by the tracks on February 4, 1968 coincided with the death and destruction at the Khe Sanh Combat Base in Vietnam. Kerouac drank himself to death and died on October 21, 1969. Joan Haverty, Kerouac's second wife and the mother of Jan Kerouac, his only known child, died from cancer on Mothers Day May 15, 1990. Jan herself died too young and too sick on June 5, 1996. Jan's unfortunate death set off a string of deaths that decimated the Beat ranks. Herbert Huncke, the man who epitomized the early Beat ideals died on August 8, 1996. Allen Ginsberg died of cancer on April 5, 1997. His Beat brother-in-arms, William Burroughs passed away on August 7, 1997. Beat poet Jack Micheline died on February 27, 1998 followed by Beat poet Ray Bremser who died on November 3, 1998. And on January 17, 2001 Beat poet and rascal-at-arms Gregory Corso passed on.

The Beat ethos, that searching for an escape from the insincerity and hypocrisy of a culture so obsessed with commerce and gain, surface and fame, has as much relevance this very minute as it did sixty years ago. Most of the founding fathers and mothers of Beat have died. And I mourn the fact that Gregory and the other naked angels have no more new words, poetical or polemical, to offer us. But I'm sure the Beat goes on.

"Alas, Jack, seems I cannot requiem thee without
requieming America, and that's one requiem
I shall not presume, for as long as I live there'll
be no requiems for me"

--from Elegeiac Feelings American. Gregory Corso. 1969

Comment by Andrew Lampert

January 16, 2001
Field Managers

Interview with John Lennon

This interview with John Lennon, field manager of the Psychedelphia Woodstockings, is another installment in a series of interviews with cosmic baseball managers. In the interview Lennon talks about cosmic baseball, Charles Manson, Yoko Ono, the origin of the name "Beatles" and his thoughts on his assassination.

January 14, 2001
COBRA Report

The Bushes of Baseball

The Cosmic Baseball Research Alliance (COBRA) has just released The Bushes of Baseball, a report on major league baseball players with the last name of "Bush." Also included in the report are historical notes about the two Bush presidents and their association with the great game of the quadrature. There is also a brief section about the relationship between Babe Ruth and two Bush individuals. COBRA has released the report now in recognition of the inauguration of the 43rd President of the United States, George Walker Bush. George Walker Bush is also a rookie with the Season 2001 Washington Presidents.

The Cosmic Baseball Research Alliance (COBRA) is the research wing of the Cosmic Baseball Association. In addition to its research efforts COBRA maintains the COBRA Academy in Washington, D.C.which is responsible for the training and development of cosmic baseball scholars.

January 9, 2001
Cosmic Game Report

Royal Family @ Manson Family
Two very different types of families met on the field of play for this cosmic baseball game. While both could be considered dysfunctional groups that is where the similarities would end. The British Royal Family, with its long tradition of symbolism representing an outdated notion of monarchy competed against the Manson Family, a dark symbol of acid fascism from the late 1960s.

The acid fascists won but there weren't too many cheers in the home stands for this group of souls who participated in one of the most savage slaughters in American criminal history.

Manson pitcher Charles Manson, a man who has spent the vast majority of his lifetime incarcerated in penal institutions pitched an excellent game. He allowed only four hits. In fact, Manson didn't allow a Royal baserunner until he walked Queen Elizabeth II in the third inning and she was stranded, as were all the Royal baserunners. Manson didn't give up a hit until Queen Anne singled in the fifth inning. The Royals, with the exception of Prince Charles who got on base three times were anemic at the plate.

The Manson Family batters had more success against Queen Elizabeth II who allowed at least one baserunner in all but two of the eight innings she pitched. Susan Atkins' 3-run blast in the seventh inning put the game well out of reach but curiously the scorers gave the Most Cosmic Player of the Game award not to her or to Manson. Instead the MCP award went to Leslie Van Houten who had two singles and two runs batted in.

Despite the good play of the Manson Family it is difficult to get excited about this group of psychopaths. All but two of the starting Manson Family players are in jail because they were sentenced to life in prison for their participation in the sick slaughter of eight souls on the nights of August 9 and 10 in 1969. The so-called Tate-LaBianca murders were a vicious coda to a turbulent decade.

January 4, 2001
Cosmic Game Report

Daily Newspapers @ Television Networks
This game between two entities that provide much of the day-to-day reality framework for many citizens of the United States went scoreless until the top of the ninth when the conservative newspaper voice of Southern California, the Orange County Register blew the game wide open with a grand slam homerun. The scene was set when TV's pitcher, USA Network gave up two singles and a walk to load the bases. The Register, with a full count, smacked a fast ball over the right field wall.

The TVs had already had their chance in the sixth inning when, with the bases loaded, the NBC network struck out looking and then ABC grounded out to the shortstop stranding three potential runs.

A word must be said about the phenomenal pitching job of the Los Angeles Times who turned in a masterful 4-hit shutout. Except for the sixth inning jam the LA Times kept the network hitters in check all day long yielding no more than four scattered singles.

January 2, 2001
Cosmic Player Plate

Fats Domino 2001 Cosmic Player Plate

Fats Domino is one of the legendary patriots of the rock and roll revolution. With hits such as "The Fat Man," "Blueberry Hill" and "My Blue Heaven" he practically dominated the Top 40 record charts in the 1950s. The affable sweet Fats was born in New Orleans and he has sold over 65 million records. He was also one of the original inductees at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1986.

Fats Domino (dob 2/26/1928) joined the Cosmic Baseball Association in 1999 when the Paradise Pisces drafted him during the Winter Rookie Draft. As a rookie firstbaseman he led the team in hits (186).

January 1, 2001
A New Millennium

Happy New Year

To all the members and friends of the Cosmic Baseball Association: Happy New Year and welcome to another millennium.

We hope your New Year/Millennium plans and resolutions are exciting and creative. Seize the century.


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Archived: January 31, 2001
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